The Jug

As it turned out, it was pretty easy for a lot of you to figure out the object in the mystery photo. It seems that far more of you actually have experience with this than I thought!

If you guessed that it was a 24-hour urine collection container, give yourself a pat on the back.

With all of that said, let’s get back to the pee container and why I have one. The truth is: You haven’t lived until you’ve collected 24 hours worth of pee in a jug. I’m just sayin’.

In all seriousness, this is related to life insurance. I posted a few weeks ago about my beef with life insurance. That was when I was fairly certain that life was all hunky-dory and I knew only that I was a perfectly healthy 29-year-old woman who was bound to be granted the “preferred” status with lower premiums. And I’ll have you know that the hesitation I expressed in that post about paying for life insurance was actually based on those preferred, lower premiums.

I was so cute back then. In all of my freaking out over $25/month. Ha. Hahaha. Bwahahahahaha.

Imagine my shock when, yesterday morning, I talked to our insurance agent, who informed me that I had been approved for life insurance, but–and this was a big BUT–there was a problem with my lab work. The underwriters had awarded me a status of sub-standard.

Not “super preferred” (they probably only hand that out to robots).
Not “preferred” (like my healthy husband).
Not “standard” (you know, like maybe you have a couple of health issues).

SUB-STANDARD. Just one step above being rejected for life insurance altogether. That classification comes with a $55/month price tag. And the kicker? He couldn’t tell me why.

COMMENCE FREAK-OUT BECAUSE SURELY THERE IS SOMETHING TERRIBLY WRONG WITH ME, AND YOU WANT ME TO PAY HOW MUCH??

Understandably, my insurance agent was not privy to my lab results/medical history/records (thank goodness!), but he was telling me about how I’d have to wait until the (sealed) records came in the mail for him, and then he’d have to put them in the mail for me. Come on, what are we talking about there, a week? NOT ACCEPTABLE.

Instead, I insisted on getting the number for the underwriter so I could call and speak to her directly. Which I did. And she informed me that my urinalysis results came back showing that I had elevated levels of protein in my urine. And went on to say (in a perfectly chipper voice, I might add) that elevated protein in urine is indicative of kidney failure, diabetes, hypertension, and connective tissue disorders. Because I wasn’t freaking out enough already.

I hung up the phone and immediately called my doctor’s office to get in for an appointment to see them. I had the insurance company fax me the complete lab results, and took them with me. After taking one look at the numbers, she said to me, “Well, your kidney function is beautiful. And you’re not a diabetic.” (And, let me also note that the stupid life insurance exam requires a blood pressure reading, which was 108/68, so I most certainly DO NOT HAVE HYPERTENSION, either.) She went on to explain that life insurance companies are going to do everything they can to knock you down into paying their higher premiums–which makes perfect sense, of course, but is still ridiculous to me. She suspects that my elevated protein level was just an anomaly, caused by something innocuous, but to be safe and help dispel the beliefs of the insurance company, she ordered a 24-hour collection, since it’s the most accurate way to measure protein levels in urine.

Aren’t you happy you stopped over to my blog today? You can’t say I’m not educational. :)

The good news is that the doctor is optimistic that I’m fine, and said that if the results come back normal, she will send a nasty note to the insurance company telling them their results are crap and to request that they reconsider my classification in light of the more accurate test and normal results.

In the meantime, we have another insurance company sending a nurse over to do exams on Saturday morning–I have my fingers crossed that this one will prove to be less eventful and that I’ll get the classification that (I’m pretty sure) I deserve from the get-go. There are lots of reasons for random protein in urine, so hopefully whatever caused mine in the first place has come to pass, and I’ll check out OK this time.

Please excuse me while I go pee in a jug jump through hoops for life insurance.