Toddlers, man. Can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em.
There’s always something that’s a challenge, right?
Right now, we’re dealing with a bit of a doozy. The problem? We can’t do anything nice/special for Nora without paying the price—in the form of attitude, screaming, and/or a full-fledged tantrum.
Playing outside? Awesome, but then it’s a huge battle to get her back in. Even at daycare, we’re told.
A trip to the park? Lovely. Until it’s time to leave, that is. That results in a scream fest that could very well bust ear drums.
Allow a cupcake after dinner? She’s delighted. Until she demands another and we say no. We get the “I’M TOO MAD!” stomping-of-the-foot attitude for half an hour afterward.
It was nice out tonight, so we took a ride to get out of the house (God, I’m so bored!) to get some ice cream. We were a happy, peachy family of three. But when it was gone, Nora demanded more, and when we told her that it was gone and it was time to go home, she first got the attitude and further tried to demand her way. Then Michael picked her up and she did the high-pitch screaming. Then he went to put her in her car seat and she arched her back and made it nearly impossible to buckle her in, all while telling us how mad she was.
What gives, kid? This makes us never want to do anything fun with her ever again.
Once we were home and she had calmed down, I talked to her about it as we were getting her ready for the bath. I told her, “You need to tell us ‘thank you’ for the ice cream.” And she did. The thing is, Nora is usually really polite. She “pleases” and “thank yous” for almost anything we do for her. We have to remind her about “please” on a regular basis, but she almost always says “thank you” without prompting. For handing her a spoon. For complimenting her artwork. For helping her do something.
So why can’t we get a “thank you” when we do something special??
I’m hoping that this period of ungratefulness is something that is a stage and just goes away with time. We try to explain it to her, like “If you act like this when it’s over, we’re never going to do these things with you again.” And “Don’t you want to come back for ice cream another time? You need to be a good girl and say thank you. When the ice cream is gone, it’s time to go home.”
But is it something they just learn? Do they eventually learn to appreciate the treats, or is there a better/more effective way to teach this concept to a 2-year-old? I see other children walk away peacefully when it’s over or time to go home. When will mine do this?
The problem is that there doesn’t seem to be adequate consequences for the behavior. I mean, the greatest punishment is making her leave, or refusing to give another cupcake, or whatever. We’re not giving in and giving her what she wants, so I guess we “win”… until next time, when we’re in the same position.
We’re heading into warm weather, and my favorite seasons of the year. We’ll want to do a lot of special things, especially leading up to the baby being born. But it’s hard when the fallout hardly makes the added joy worthwhile.
10 Responses to Ungrateful
Leave a Reply
About
I'm Heather. I'm 33 and have been married to Michael for seven years. Together, we have two beautiful little girls we love more than anything, and a miniature dachshund who drives us crazy. I'm a full-time working mom who has very little time for my own "stuff" these days, like home improvement, cooking/baking, cake decorating, and photography. Despite the team not making the playoffs since 1999, I'm STILL a Buffalo Bills fan, which I think speaks to my loyalty AND sense of humor. I can't wait to pick up the pace with travel again some day... you know, when we're done being ruled by tiny fists. Welcome to my blog.
Heather, I’m not sure this will help, but with our 2 year old, we always prep him BEFORE we do ANYTHING outside/with treats/etc. that when it’s over, it’s over. We say “how many ice creams do you get”, and he’ll say “one”. And then he’ll say “more” and smile, because he knows he only gets one, so we’ve really both turned it into a game, but he always knows to expect the conversation that we only get one (in the case of a special treat), or when we’re outside, we talk about going inside in 5 minutes, and we “pinky promise” that when it’s time to go in, we’ll go in without a fuss. We also use his night time vitamins or other “treats” (i.e. one M&M as a treat for coming inside without a fuss). If there’s a fuss, he doesn’t get them. To leave the park, we get a sugar free lollipop. He gets the SAME reward for doing the same kind of good behavoir (M&M for coming inside the house, sugar free lollipop for leaving the park). Who knows if it’s the right answer, but it seems to work for us.
Toddlers are not easy, but this seems to work most (but not all) the time for Jackson. But trust me, we definitely have our days when nothing works and we’re just “those” parents. And it is what it is :)
We’re in a similar situation but for us it’s hit or miss. Sometimes we can leave the park without incident and other times you’d think we were kidnapping her, same things for desserts or playing with the cell phone. I haven’t found rhyme or reason to what sets her off so I have no idea how to avoid it from happening. Just know you’re not alone! :)
Well, I could have written this exactly about my son Nick who is a few weeks younger than Nora. It is so frustrating! I’m hoping that he is going to grow out of it soon. We also have a new baby (8 weeks old now) so that’s not helping because he just isn’t getting the same level of attention that he was used to.
Yes they grow out of it eventually. Not all kids have transition issues or tantrums but the very strong willed / opinionated/ passionate ones do for sure. I try to give my 28 month old plenty of warning before we have to quit doing something but it rarely helps. For example, we went to the park because it was nice outside and even after being told several times that we were leaving soon, she screamed the whole way to the car. The only thing that DOES help is distraction. This time I gave her a snack. Of course she had a new tantrum once the snack was gone, but it wasn’t as bad. You just have to pick your battles and remember that while she is screaming she isnt in her right mind. Literally. And try to remember how much you love her when she isnt freaking out. Ha! ;-) At least thats what gets me through it. Usually. Sometimes…
Wow, I could have written that about my two-year old (a month older than Nora). One thing that we have been told to try is using a timer. Not sure that it would work with the ice cream, but if you are outside, at a park, or if any sort of transition is going to happen, set the timer for five minutes and tell her that when the timer goes off, it is time to leave. You could also give 3 minute and 1 minute reminders.
Wow, I feel like a mean mommy after reading the other suggestions, haha. I give my daughter plenty of notice (we’re leaving in 5 minutes, you only get one, etc). If when we’re done she starts to pitch a fit I say ‘you have 2 choices. I can grab and you and carry you out, which I can promise you won’t like, or we can walk out together. Your choice’. She honestly hates that so much that that usually works. If I have to haul her out and the screaming and back arching continues to the carseat, I threaten timeout as soon as we walk into the door at home. I phrase it the same way, ‘you have 2 choices, you can sit in timeout when we get home, or we can walk into the house and play/color’. But as a previous poster said… sometimes they just can’t physically calm down. So sometimes you leave a place looking like a kidnapper, haha.
btw – I’m catching up on blog reading… I’m happy to see your home from the hospital and doing well!!
We always explain what we are going to do in detail before we go anywhere and ask her questions about it. It helps a little. Also if she starts crying for no reason she has to stand in the corner {even if we are out}. She knows this now. So now we ask, “If you cry you need to go in the corner”. If we see other kids crying in public my kid will now point and say, “she/he cry, need go corner”. It’s been helpful for her to have some sort of immediate consequence to her actions.
One of the things that works for us is asking our 28 month old to say “bye bye” to whatever place/activity we’re doing. On a night when we’re watching tv before bedtime, he knows when I ask him to say “bye bye” to the tv (meaning, once he says “bye bye tv” it gets turned off) that it’s time for pj’s and bed. This also works for us in places like Target, where we might be strolling by a particularly eye-catching toy that he wants to stop and play with or hold – I’ll ask him to say “bye bye” to the toy and he is generally okay with leaving it and moving on.
Maybe you can get her to say “bye bye ice cream/park/playground” and “hello, house!” in those situations?
We do this too! Saying “bye bye” to the iPad/iPhone is the only way we can get my son to put it down sometimes.
My little one just turned one and she is already throwing little tantrums. I was glad to read this because it did not make me feel like such a bad mom.