Vivienne at Four Months

Dear Vivienne,

I fall more and more in love with you every day.

You are growing into such an interesting little character. There are times when you just won’t stop smiling. I can look away, putting on makeup or drying my hair, and I can see you out of the corner of my eye, just smiling at me for no reason at all. Then, there are the times when we try ANYTHING to get you to smile… like, for instance, if we’re trying to take your picture… and you will stare at us with the most serious look on your face. Getting photos of you smiling is a huge challenge, but it’s one that I have certainly not given up on.

We had kind of a rough month in the sleep and reflux departments. We alternated weeks of horrible sleep and incredible sleep this month. Shortly after I wrote your 3-month post and called you “chill,” you became anything but chill. At least at night. It took me a full week of broken sleep and nighttime battles with you to realize that you were uncomfortable due to your reflux. We increased your meds, and it was like night and day—suddenly you slept 12 hours a night, straight through, for the first time ever. I thought we were in the clear. Then, after five days of that, you suddenly went back to being up all night again. It was terrible and exhausting and at times I thought I might lose my mind. I had a lot of hard moments during those nights. (I admit openly that I do not handle sleep deprivation well. At all.) You had a cold, so we weren’t sure if that was the cause of your reflux flaring up again so soon, or if it was something else. To try to make it better, we pulled out all of the stops: humidifier, baby chest rub, a big increase in your reflux medicine, and… I gave up all foods that contain milk products. Mommy can no longer eat cheese, cereal, cookies or… well, A LOT of things.

It’s not fun. But I’m doing it for you! After all of that, you gradually improved and now, for the last week or so, you’ve been doing fantastic again. You’re back to sleeping 12 hours through the night, but we’re still not sure what made you better—the increased dose of medicine, the cold getting better, or my giving up dairy. We’re waiting it out until your 4-month well baby appointment and then the pediatrician said we can “test” it by maybe eating some dairy and see how you react. I’m not sure how that’ll work yet, but we’ll see. I want to be able to eat at least SOME dairy, but I also don’t want to mess with a good thing!

When the sleep troubles first began at the beginning of the month, we moved you to your room. You’re sleeping in your own crib now! It was hairy at times, having to go all the way down the hall a million times, but it worked out and I’m glad we’ve made the transition. You still like to be swaddled, though! We tried one arm out for a while and it worked okay, but when I tried two arms out… nope. Your reflexes are still too strong and you still don’t have enough control of your arms and hands. They flail all over the place, you poke yourself in the face repeatedly, and you wake yourself up. So back into the swaddle you went. I’m not going to stress about it. I know you’ll give it up when it’s time.

Anyway, when sleep is good, it’s GOOD! You wake up in the morning—or we wake you up—with a huge smile on your face. As soon as we peer over the side of the crib and say good morning, you light up. It’s adorable. And Nora loves to be part of it, too.

You have started to giggle. God, it is the cutest thing. It’s over the silliest things, but not always the same things. You get bored quickly, I guess. :) You love when people talk to you. You smile at pretty much everyone when you’re in the mood to!

You continue to grow and grow and grow. When you were weighed a few weeks ago, you were 12 lbs., 8 oz. You go again on the 11th for your 4-month well baby appointment so we’ll see where you’re at then. You still fit into 0-3 month clothes, but it is starting to be a tight squeeze into some of them. I need to get down into the basement and pull out the 3-6 month clothes and wash them! The few 3-6 month things that we have put on you are a little big, but they’re certainly not ridiculous! You’re getting so big so fast. I can’t even take it.

You have been doing so well at Mary’s. And you’ve found your voice! We noticed this past weekend that you were doing a lot more squealing—when you were both happy AND upset—and Mary noticed the same thing today. When I picked you up, she said that you were going to be exhausted tonight because all you did all day was squeal and squeal and squeal. You seem SO CLOSE to rolling over but you haven’t done it yet.

You’ve really started to notice the world around you. I saw you “discover” Tessa. You stare at her and are completely fascinated by her. You’re grabby now, grabbing and holding onto anything you can get your little hands on. Your hair is filling in on top—you have a fuzzy little head—but from all the movin’ and shakin’ that you do, you’ve also succeeded in rubbing off the little hair that you DID have on the back of your head.

We’re gearing up to celebrate your first Christmas, which will be magical. I’ve always loved Christmas, but I love it so much more now that I have you girls. I can’t wait to take you to church for Christmas Eve Mass and watch you as you hear all of the Christmas music and the homily. It’s so beautiful and spiritual. I remember getting choked up as I sat in that pew during Nora’s first Christmas, and I anticipate feeling the same way with you.

There’s something so very special about you, Vivienne. I don’t even know how to describe it, but when I’m rocking you or holding you and we just stare into each other’s eyes… there’s a bond there so strong that there are really no words for it. And this probably goes without saying, but you are SO STINKIN’ CUTE. You’ve grown “into yourself” so much and I think you’re so cute that it actually makes my heart ache a little bit to look at you.

I can’t wait to keep watching you grow.

With all my love,
Mommy