35 Weeks: 35/35

Last Thursday, I had my 34-week doctor’s appointment. I gained a pound since my 32-week appointment, so I’m up about 22-23 lbs. total. Given my birthday and all, I indulged today, so I’m pretty sure I’m up like five additional pounds now, but at least I have another week or so until I have to be weighed again. Hopefully it’ll even out. HA! :) My next appointment is Wednesday, the 25th… starting then, I’ll be going every week! It’s so crazy to think about.

On Saturday, we took a breastfeeding class. It was nice to get an overview of everything, and get to write down a few tips and tricks before the baby even gets here. It was all helpful information. Of course, the *real* education will come when I actually try to nurse the baby, but still, a little preparation for what to expect is good to have.

Baby is now about 5.5 lbs. and has pretty much grown to his/her full length. All he/she has to concentrate on these next few weeks is fattening up a little bit. And sitting on my bladder. And kicking me in the ribs.

Alright, now I’m going to leave the world where pregnancy is all rainbows and sunshine and transition into what has been my reality. I’m going to be completely honest and tell you that the last few days have been really rough on me. I think it’s been a culmination of a lot of things, but the stress and anxiety associated with everything finally built up enough where I reached a breaking point on Saturday and became somewhat of a hormonal lunatic.

I won’t bore you with all of the details, but I’ll say this: I’ve reached a point where I am tired all.the.time. I’ve discovered that despite still being able to sleep pretty well most nights, getting up an average of four times a night to pee just does not bode well for feeling “rested.” I know this is supposedly helping prepare me for when baby arrives but man, it would be nice to sleep through just one.more.night before the baby actually gets here.

So, I think the general exhaustion, plus the crazy hormones, plus the anxiety associated with knowing my whole life is going to change in just a few short weeks, plus a few totally ridiculous little stressors (that normally would’ve been no big deal) pushed me over an edge. Starting Saturday night, I fell into this feeling of depression and feeling like crap about myself. I cried a few times and couldn’t really function, then spent the majority of Sunday crying and not functioning as well. The funny thing is that I couldn’t really tell you why I was feeling what I was feeling–just that I was generally unhappy and downright sad about things. Then that escalated into feeling guilty for my feelings, which just made everything worse.

I still felt like a waste of space when I woke up this morning, too. But thankfully, the fog seems to have lifted throughout the day, and I was able to fully enjoy my birthday evening with Michael.

I’m told that this kind of funk/depression is completely normal at this stage of the game, but it took me by surprise and I will say that when you’re going through it, your feelings feel anything but normal. I so badly just wanted to rewind and feel good again, but didn’t know how to make myself feel better. I really hope I don’t go through any more episodes of this between now and the end of the pregnancy, but I guess I should prepare myself to do so.

Anyway… I wanted to “confess” because I didn’t realize how common it was to have feelings like that until after I started mentioning it to other mothers/pregnant women. *sigh* End rant.

We can’t believe we’re already halfway through August. And we’re only a couple of days away from the 1-month mark!

I may be hormonal and crazy, Baby, but I still can’t wait to meet you…

Happy Birthday to me. On my next birthday, I will be a mommy.