Devastation.

On November 3, 2008 · 33 Comments · In tessa

Oh, how I wish I was at work instead of writing this post. How I wish I would wake up from this and find out it has all been a nightmare. How I wish I hadn’t have even crawled out of bed this morning.

Several hours ago, Michael and I took Tessa for a second opinion regarding her enlarged lymph nodes. The antibiotics that the first vet gave us weren’t doing any good as far as we could tell, and after my extensive internet research, I was really feeling like we needed to at least have some tests done. After talking about it on Saturday night, Michael and I decided that we would take Tess into our old vet (she used to go there as a small puppy) to see what they came up with. So I called first thing this morning and took the earliest appointment available.

Well, our worst fears were pretty much confirmed.

The vet did a needle aspiration of one of her lymph nodes, and looked at it under the microscope. After what seemed like an eternity, she came back in to tell us the bad news. She and another doctor both looked at the slide, and both agreed that the cells are consistent with lymphoma.

Deep down inside, I knew this was going to be the outcome. I knew it when I went to bed last night. I knew it when I woke up this morning. I knew it as I was driving her to the vet.

I just really, really didn’t want it to be true.

Our dog. Our sweetheart, loveable, adorable, snuggly dog. With the best personality ever. Only 2 years old.

Cancer.

It’s truly unbelievable. There are not enough tears in the world to convey what a blow this is to us. We don’t have kids yet, so Tessa is our baby. We love her and treat her as such. It is so unbelievably sad to think we will not have her for as long as we thought we would. I am an emotional basketcase. And really, this is just the beginning of it all.

Simply put: We are devastated.

Lymphoma is incurable, so we know that no matter what treatment we ultimately decide to go with, our time is limited.

She’s not even sick. She’s still her normal, happy, energetic self. I try to be thankful for that, but at the same time, it actually makes dealing with this a little bit harder. I look at her little face and know she has no idea why I’m crying. And it’s difficult to believe you have a terminally ill dog when she acts as if nothing is happening.

For now, I am trying to concentrate on the next steps. We are taking her in for surgery later this week. They are going to remove one of her enlarged lymph nodes to send it to pathology so that we can have a definitive diagnosis. As much as they said that they are pretty sure of (or “leaning toward”) lymphoma, we won’t actually know for absolute certain until the biopsy comes back. That will take approximately 1 week after the surgery. So we have more waiting in store for us.

Right now, we have to wait for her bloodwork and urinalysis to come back to make sure she is healthy enough to handle anesthesia. I can’t imagine she won’t be–she is one of the healthiest dogs out there.

Well, I guess she was the healthiest. Before this.

Needless to say, this is a very hard time for us. We didn’t go into work after the appointment because it is too hard. I’m not even sure how I will move forward from here. I don’t know how I’m going to go to work tomorrow. Or the next day. Or even the next day. How do we leave her alone at home, knowing that she’s sick and we have such little time with her? Now, every moment is precious.

I just can’t believe that this is happening to us. It’s just one of those things you always try not to think about. Michael and I are the kind of people who are really grateful for the things we have. We have, on probably hundreds of occasions, sat back, looked at each other, and talked about how awesome Tessa is. How lucky we are to have her.

We have spent time contemplating where she would have ended up if she didn’t end up with us. And we’ve been thankful that out of all the dogs in the world, we ended up with her. Because in our eyes, she is the perfect dog.

And now this.

We also have to tell the rest of our family members. I called my mom, and that was hard enough. Our family loves her as much as we do. Tessa comes to every family gathering on my side of the family. She’s a true member of the family. My mom calls her the first grandbaby. I mean, seriously. She could not be more loved.

One thing is for sure: Life completely and totally sucks right now.

It’s just not fair.

 

Melissa’s 30th Birthday

On November 2, 2008 · 1 Comment · In birthdays, family

Wednesday was my sister-in-law’s 30th birthday. Today, we took the 2-2.5 hour ride down to their house to celebrate. And see Brendan. Duh.

Unexpectedly As usual, most of our pictures were of Brendan. Even though it was Melissa’s birthday. Whoops. Although I’m sure she didn’t mind. :)

We took soooo many pictures today. Here are a few (OK, well, more than a few… but I couldn’t resist!) of them. He is so cute! And he is now walking around like quite the pro. He definitely did a lot of falling on his butt, but he always got right back up again.

Oh, great. You guys are back again. And you brought that camera. Just great.

I’m a pumpkin!

Cracking up

With Uncle Michael

Hilarious

Could I be any more cute?

Nom nom nom

He was giving Michael this little giggle, like “Hehe, this is fun and all, but uhh… please don’t drop me. Hehe”

OK, what can I get into next?

Ah, I know. The wine.
Is anyone in here?

I need some privacy. Pardon me while I shut the door on you.

Nevermind, I want to PLAY!

OK, enough of you. Let me have that camera.

No, seriously. Give it to me.

I mean it.

No more pictures, please!! (Trying to fend off the paparazzi.)

OK, back to the bedroom. (He was being all stealth and peeking in.)

Playing with drawer handles is fun.

Uh oh. Mommy is coming.

Family Christmas card photo shoot. (The winning pic, I think.)

A non-Brendan photo (amazing, I know). Melissa and me.

**giggle, giggle**

STOP TICKLING ME!!
**giggle, giggle**

OK, no, really… I… just… can’t… take it!! **giggle**

Riding my fire engine. Mommy’s birthday is fun!

All in all, a great day with Michael’s family. Can’t wait to see everyone again at Thanksgiving!

Back home, Tessa is still doing the same. Her lymph nodes have not gone down at all. It has been 5 days (out of 14) on the antibiotics. Still very worried about our little girl. And still hoping that this is not something serious. She is still acting completely normal except for the enlarged lymph nodes in her neck. Keep her in your thoughts, if you can!

 

Happy Halloween

On November 1, 2008 · 3 Comments · In family, holidays, weddings

Pretty low-key night for us. We are getting up early tomorrow morning to make the drive to Michael’s sister’s house for a visit, so we are skipping out on a party being thrown by my brothers. We just had ravioli for dinner, with a few pumpkin ales, and I’m baking. We don’t even get any trick-or-treaters. Kinda sad.

Anyway, earlier this week, Chelsey posted something that reminded me of a Halloween costume from my distant past, and I figured I’d share it all with you to celebrate the occasion. Especially since I was an actual bride this year.

When I was six years old, I went to my mom’s cousin’s wedding. I was completely enchanted by the bride.

I apparently was all excited when her train ran over my foot on her way down or back up the aisle.

I wanted my picture taken with her at the reception.

A few months later came Halloween, and you guessed it… I wanted to be a bride.

My mom has always been really crafty (maybe that’s where I get it from??), but she doesn’t have time to put the skills to good use anymore. When we were growing up, however, she made our Halloween costumes pretty much every single year.

So the bride? She was up for the challenge. She made me a white satin dress with lace trim, and it even had a detachable train. I wore a communion veil. She made me a bouquet with faux flowers. She even put makeup (totally 80s!) on me. I loved it. Not only did I wear it proudly for trick-or-treating and other Halloween events, but I frequently used the dress to play dress-up and “play wedding” for the following few years.

My mom said that one time, she came upstairs to my bedroom, opened the door, and found me standing there with my brother. The funny part? My brother was the one in the wedding dress. And veil. Poor kid. He was only like 4 years old and apparently I convinced him (or more likely–forced him) into playing wedding with me. My only guess? That day, I wanted to be the wedding planner. :)

Anyway, without further ado, here are a couple pictures:


In this second picture, the “nurse” holding my train is my cousin, Lindsay. I don’t know how she acquired the job of keeping after my train, but she did. And you know what’s funny? About 20 years after this picture was taken, she had that duty for real. She was my matron of honor at my wedding. :)

Happy Halloween. I hope you all enjoy your weekends. And don’t forget to set your clocks back one hour before you go to bed on Saturday night! (Extra hour of sleep, woohoo!)

 

Easy Chicken Bake

On October 30, 2008 · Leave a Comment · In recipes - chicken

Well, we essentially ended up eating the same thing two nights this week… only very slight differences between the two. The problem was that I didn’t feel like going to the grocery store, and since we haven’t been “good grocery shopping” in a while, the ingredients we had on hand were very limited.

It’s been an interesting week. Quite honestly, it’s been pretty shitty. I’ve been dealing with my emotions over Tessa getting sick–she’s still not showing any signs of getting better (I’ve been wanting it to happen overnight), and I’m terrified of the possibility of lymphoma–and now I’ve got a wicked cold to contend with as well.

So a trip to the grocery store? Last night, it was not going to happen.

I found a box of Stove Top Stuffing in our cupboard, saw a simple recipe on the back, and decided to go with it. Another super easy weeknight meal to file away in the recipe bank. I just wouldn’t plan on making this again the night after making chicken pot pie!

Easy Chicken Bake
(Source: www.kraftfoods.com)

Ingredients:
– 1 pkg (6 oz.) Stove Top Stuffing Mix for Chicken (we used low-sodium version)
– 1 1/2 lb boneless skinless chicken breasts, cut into 1-inch pieces (we only used 1 lb.)
– 1 can (10-3/4 oz.) condensed cream of chicken soup (used Campbell’s Healthy Request–98% fat free, and reduced sodium)
– 1/3 cup sour cream (we didn’t have any on hand, so we substituted skim milk)
– 1 bag (16 oz.) frozen mixed vegetables, thawed, drained

Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 400°F.

2. Prepare stuffing mix as directed on package; set aside.

3. Mix chicken, soup, sour cream and vegetables in 13×9-inch baking dish; top with the stuffing.

4. Bake 30 min or until chicken is cooked through.

Nutrition Facts (for 6 servings): Per serving, Calories 420; Total Fat 15 g; Saturated Fat 4.5 g; Cholesterol 80 mg; Sodium 990 mg (ours was less because we used the low sodium stuffing mix); Carbohydrate 35 g; Dietary Fiber 3 g; Sugars 5 g; Protein 31 g

 

Chicken Pot Pie

On October 30, 2008 · 2 Comments · In recipes - chicken

The weather is freezing! We’re having our first truly cold week. I had to break down and turn the heat on one day last week, but now it’s pretty much on permanently (well, until Friday–it’s supposed to be back up to 60 degrees).

Last night, all I wanted to do was get home and make warm comfort food. I decided during the work day that I was in the mood for chicken pot pie. There were a couple of more “homemade” recipes with fresh vegetables and fancier ingredients that sounded good, and perhaps I will try them sometime.

But for tonight, I went with the familiar… the chicken pot pie my mom used to make. Which, incidentally, is also the easiest and fastest to deal with. Perfect for a weeknight.

I knew my mom always made chicken pot pie with Bisquick, but I hadn’t ever made it before and didn’t know the recipe. I went searching on the Betty Crocker website and found quite a few variations. Since we always try to make healthy substitutions whenever possible, I decided to go with the reduced-fat version. I picked up a box of Bisquick Heart Smart at the grocery store.

I cut up the chicken breasts and boiled them in chicken broth for about 20 minutes. I let them cool for a little bit, then shredded them before moving forward with the recipe.

This meal was so easy. And pretty tasty, too. We’ll be making this again for sure.

Reduced-Fat Chicken Pot Pie
(Source: www.bettycrocker.com)

Ingredients:
– 1 cup shredded, cooked chicken breasts (boneless, skinless)
– 1 bag (12-16 oz.) frozen mixed vegetables, thawed
– 1 can (10 3/4 oz.) condensed 98% fat-free cream of chicken soup (I used Campbell’s Healthy Request, which is also reduced sodium–we never notice the difference)
– 1 cup fat-free (skim) milk
– 1 cup Bisquick Heart Smart mix
– 1 egg
– Oregano and thyme (I added these dried herbs for more flavor)

Directions:
1. Heat oven to 400°F. In ungreased 2-quart casserole dish, mix chicken, vegetables, soup and 1/2 cup of the milk. Microwave on high for 4 minutes; stir.

2. In small bowl, stir Bisquick mix, the other 1/2 cup milk and the egg with fork until blended. Pour over chicken and vegetable mixture.

3. Bake uncovered about 30 minutes or until golden brown.
High Altitude Adjustment (3500-6500 ft): In step 1, increase milk to 2/3 cup. Bake about 35 minutes.

The recipe says you will get 6 servings out of this. We only got four (we each ate a quarter of it).

With six servings, the nutrition information is (per serving): Calories 220 (Calories from Fat 50); Total Fat 6g (Saturated Fat 1 1/2g, Trans Fat 0g); Cholesterol 60mg; Sodium 650mg; Total Carbohydrate 28g (Dietary Fiber 2g, Sugars 7g); Protein 14g

With four servings, I recalculated the calories and fat (per serving): Calories 330, Total Fat 9g. Even with eating 1/4 of the pie, this is definitely a healthy meal! Pair it with a salad and you are doing pretty well for yourself.