I had a really rough start to my Friday morning. Nora was in a mood to assert her independence and get her way. I was in the mood to stand my ground and teach her that she can’t always get what she wants.
It didn’t end well.
In fact, I experienced my single worst moments as a parent thus far. It was just… hard. My usually deep well of patience was sucked dry. I was more frustrated with Nora than I had ever been. I yelled at her. It was not a proud moment as a mother; I immediately felt horribly guilty about it.
And then I dropped her off at daycare.
It was nice in a way, because there was a reprieve. It was time away from each other, space to breathe, calm down, and forget. The bad side was that we were mad at each other when I dropped her off, and I had to stew with my feelings all day. I wanted nothing more than to hug her, to kiss her, to laugh, and to move on together.
I was reminded that I am still learning how to be a parent, and that I will always be learning. Every year she gets older is a new year of discovery for both of us. There are new rewards, but new challenges. I will have to navigate those uncharted waters in the same way that Nora will.
Parenthood is humbling.
But sure enough, I picked her up after work and it was as if nothing had happened. She saw me at the door, her face lit up, an enthusiastic “Mama!” escaped her lips and she came running to me, happy and carefree.
She didn’t remember the stress of the morning. She didn’t remember the anger or frustration on both of our parts. I had worried that she would be mad at me for being so angry at her and that things would somehow be different. But then, she taught me another lesson: Just as my love for her is unconditional, so is her love for me.
On these trying days, when we lose our tempers and get frustrated with each other, we are BOTH learning. She is learning that people who love each other do get angry with each other, but that the love is still there at the end of the day. She is also learning that she can’t always get her way.
And all of that is why the battle was worth fighting in the first place.
8 Responses to The Fight
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About
I'm Heather. I'm 33 and have been married to Michael for seven years. Together, we have two beautiful little girls we love more than anything, and a miniature dachshund who drives us crazy. I'm a full-time working mom who has very little time for my own "stuff" these days, like home improvement, cooking/baking, cake decorating, and photography. Despite the team not making the playoffs since 1999, I'm STILL a Buffalo Bills fan, which I think speaks to my loyalty AND sense of humor. I can't wait to pick up the pace with travel again some day... you know, when we're done being ruled by tiny fists. Welcome to my blog.
she is getting so big, her looks are changing. but still a beautiful little girl :)
Maybe I shed a tear or two reading this. I don’t think I could ever tell you enough how much of a relief it is to read someone who is going through the exact same thing as you; still astonishes me that even though the girls are 11days apart & development can be at such a different pace but these girls seem to have it on the money!
Kira is very, very strong willed & has been since the day she was born. The girl will not budge on something she wants. This has caused us to have to test different methods of dealing with that. Have I lost my temper a few times, especially after a 12hr work day on very little sleep & Kira has taken her bowl of pasta/veggies I JUST put down and literally dumped it out on the ground….yes. Have I, in the heat of the moment, raised my voice…yes. & every time without fail I feel super guilty. I do not like yelling, I try to avoid it at all costs but in the heat of the moment I’ve found myself raising my voice. So I have a punishment for myself, every time I yell I have to put money in a punishment jar & do one chore I absolutely DESPISE. I’ve been doing this for about a month now & let me tell you, it’s working! :) However back to the girls, Kira will tell me she’s angry and do a shout towards me to the point she is red in the face. I will calmly ask her if she fees better, normally she says no, and I explain to her why she can’t do/have/etc and walk away. She’ll go do her own thing for a few minutes & eventually come back to talk or play with me. I’ll ask her to say sorry & explain why (if the situation calls for a sorry), we hug/kiss/make up & all is right with the world again.
Nonetheless, fighting with your kid- the worst feeling in the world. I’ve shed lots of tears & Kira has even said things like “I don’t like you” that hurt my feelings to no end. But I remember she is 2, and like you said, we’re both learning EVERYDAY. It’ll never be absolutely perfect but it’ll be perfect for us.
I can totally relate. It’s hard being a mama! But you’re absolutely right–it’s both humbling and rewarding.
I also needed to hear this :) Thank you for being so honest, makes me feel like it’s normal to have days like this :)
Love this. Toddlers are a different breed, and they are so good at pushing our buttons sometimes. But its good to remember that we’re not perfect, we’re all still learning, and in the end we all love each other to bits.
Being a parent is tough…definitely will test you on so many different levels. As I am reminded by my sister in law (who is also a reading specialist for elementry) we are human & it is ok to get angry. Yelling is not always the best but sometimes we just lose it. I have a 2 & 4 year old (almost 3 & 5) girls, while both are my pride & joys, they just push the limits some days. Life is all about learning and going through the ups & downs. Its good to know we’re not alone on this ride.
It is so nice to hear from so many other parents who have been there! Thank you for the camaraderie and support! :)
Oh, have I ever been there!! Our mornings lately have been SO ridiculous and hard that I had to record one for the blog last week. Sadly, daycare pickup is usually just as bad. Weekdays are overall frustrating for us all!