36 Weeks: Nesting

The last two weeks have been brought to you by the word “nesting.”

That get-shit-done instinct? I have it.

My life has been revolving around to-do lists. Every weekend, every toddler naptime, every evening, I’m consulting my latest to-do list (there have been several) to determine what I can tackle next. Also existing is a “to-buy” list with things we need for the nursery or the baby in order for me to feel prepared.

And that’s what all of this is about, really. My FEELINGS, because holy hell, I feel the crazy coming on. That “you-don’t-understand-I-need-to-buy-pacifiers-RIGHT-NOW-or-I-might-die” type of feeling. It’s crazy, I know it’s crazy, but I just can’t help myself. Nesting is no joke, people.

36 Weeks Pregnant

Not all of my nesting is even related to the baby. There are house projects that I’ve left sitting for over a year—like painting all of our bedroom and bathroom doors upstairs, or hanging and then painting bedroom closet doors—that I suddenly feel like HAVE to be done before the baby gets here.

In short, I’ve been busting my ass, and it feels fabulous. Well, except my poor aching, tired body. That part is not so fabulous. But I’m at the point where crossing things off of my to-do list feels more satisfying than lying on the couch (most days/nights). So it is what it is.

Adding to my crazy is the unpredictability of the end of a pregnancy. It was hard for me to deal with when I was pregnant with Nora, and it’s no different now. I hate (hate, HATE) not knowing whether I have one week, two weeks, FIVE weeks or whatever until this baby’s arrival. Now that I’m nearly full term, the “WHEN?!” thoughts are in the back of my mind all.of.the.time. On the one hand, I’m completely freaked out that I could have a baby next week, because hello, that is insane AND I NEED MORE TIME. On the other hand, I’m freaked out that although Nora was a week early, this baby could very well decide to be late. And the idea of being pregnant for four (or even five) more whole weeks is excruciating. I want to meet this baby.

But for now, I’m doing a decent job of distracting myself with all of the nesting. Painting, shopping, organizing, washing, decorating. I still need to work in the cleaning—you know, bathrooms and the like—but strangely the urge is not as strong for that type of activity. Go figure. :)

Enough about nesting.

I’ve been getting a lot of questions from family, friends, and coworkers about how I’m feeling at this point. The truth is that I still feel pretty good, but my body is just tired, and I’m tired of it being tired. It is hard to get down on the floor with Nora. It is hard to pick up Nora. It is hard to lean over the bathtub to wash Nora’s hair. I’m winded after climbing the stairs. It’s impossible to bend over. Comfortable sleep can be a challenge. I have to pee every time I stand up or walk around. So all of that? It makes me feel really ready to have this little bundle of joy exit from inside of my middle.

It has also been really hot and humid here for the past week to 10 days or so. The heat hasn’t been crazy—mid-80s—but the humidity is oh.so.gross. And to add insult to injury, my brother came over on the evening of July 3 and ripped out our old furnace and air conditioner. He didn’t come back to install the new one until July 5, and the installation took all day so we were without A/C for two whole days… and two whole nights. I’m not going to lie, I was kind of miserable. And a little bit bitchy at times. I don’t know how people live without air conditioning, I really don’t. ESPECIALLY pregnant people. Did I mention that the LOWS at night have been in the mid-70s? But now we have a new HVAC system (our old one was original to our house, which was built in 1973!) so it’s all good. And air conditioning is a beautiful thing. It’s supposed to cool down a little bit for the next couple of days and I’m excited to sleep with the windows open again.

On an emotional side, I’m starting to get kind of sad about our last days as a family of three. I look at Nora and I’m sad that our time is limited with her being my “only.” I feel mommy guilt over the fact that she really has no idea how much her life is going to change, and that none of us have any idea exactly when that will be. I worry that she’s going to feel jealous or left out, or even worse—abandoned by her mommy. I have a whole post I’ve been working on that touches more on all of these feelings, but it’s taking me a while to pull it together because all of these feelings are difficult to put into words.

At the same time, we’re obviously really excited to meet the baby. I can’t wait to find out if it’s a boy or a girl now. I can’t wait to cuddle with a soft, squishy, tiny newborn. And I am so looking forward to seeing my “big girl” as a big sister.

My 36-week OB appointment isn’t until Friday because of my doctor’s office schedule this week. By then it’ll have been 2.5 weeks since I’ve seen her, which seems like a long time at this point. And this will be the start of my weekly appointments, which is just… whoa. I’m going to be tested for Group B strep and will have my first internal to check on the progress of things, which again is just… whoa.

We’re getting close, friends.