Vivienne at One Month

Dear Vivienne,

One month old already. How in the world?! I guess it’s true that time goes faster with every year I’m older, because gosh, that month FLEW by. I don’t even really know what happened to August, to be honest.

Needless to say, you have settled right into our family. And our lives have settled around you. It’s funny to think back to a time—just a handful of weeks ago!—when I was so nervous about a new person making us a family of four. I didn’t know what that would look like, what it would feel like, or who you would be. Now I know all of that, and it’s my new normal. Deep down, I always knew that would happen, of course, but I still couldn’t help but feel anxious about it all. How comforting to know that all of the worry was for naught.

This first month, I’ve really only been doing two things: 1) Living from feeding to feeding, and 2) Soaking it all in. The difference between a first and second baby is that I now understand exactly how fleeting this time is. I know that before I know it, you will be crawling, walking, running, talking. These moments with you as a squishy newborn, content to do nothing but sleep on my chest or with your mouth and and nose nuzzled up to my breast? They will be gone before I know it. And that, my dear baby, is a sad reality for your mommy. I want you to grow and smile and laugh and play—because all of those things are so incredibly fun—but I also want you to stay just as you are. Forever. Seriously, for.ev.er.

When people asked me before you were born if we were going to be “done” after two kids, I answered without much of a doubt… yes. YES. But now that you’re here and I’m experiencing this cuddly, dreamy newborn stuff again? I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t make me want to do it again someday. There is something so profoundly heartbreaking about looking at you and thinking that you are my LAST. That I will never again bring home a brand new baby and get to spend the next 12 weeks snuggling day and night? That’s tough stuff. I know that my hormones and emotions are getting the best of me, and I will come to my senses at some point. But just know that you are such a dream that you’ve actually made me want to consider having another baby someday. That says a lot about you, don’t you think?

You are a good baby, particularly as far as newborns are concerned. We’ve had our share of frustrating moments—and definitely a few rough nights—but for the most part, I cannot complain, and I know how lucky I am. You are noisy. You grunt a lot in your sleep. And a week or so ago, you kept that up ALL night for a few nights, and I felt like I might lose my mind. But then you settled back in and things have been smooth sailing since then. I know that it’s not the last challenging stretch we’ll go through, but I’m glad for the reprieve—even if it turns out to be temporary. On our good nights (which are thankfully pretty often), you give me a good stretch between around 10:30-11 p.m. and 3-4 a.m., then go back to sleep easily until between 6-8 a.m. We’re up for the day with your sister around 7 a.m. anyway! We have some nights when you give me the good stretch at first but then the second stretch is harder. You won’t settle back down as easily, or you turn up the noise factor for the second half of the night.

You’re a great eater. You don’t miss a meal, I’ll tell you that! You cluster feed sometimes, most often in the mornings, or in the evenings before bed. I figure it is a product of your good nighttime sleeping, so I am happy to oblige with the extra nursing sessions. I’m not sure what you weigh right now, since we haven’t been to the pediatrician since you were two weeks old, but I’m guessing somewhere in the neighborhood of 8 lbs. You were born at 6 lbs., 11 oz. When we left the hospital at 2 days old, you were 6 lbs., 5 oz. By the time we visited the pediatrician at 4 days old? You had already regained your birth weight. Then, at two weeks old, you were 7 lbs., 4 oz. You’re still tiny, of course, but I know you’ve already grown significantly (relatively speaking). I can feel it when I lift you. I see it in your face, belly, and thighs as you’re filling out.

You still sleep a lot during the day, too, which I love—more snuggles!—but there is nothing cuter than the stretches during which you’re awake, but content. I love watching those beautiful blue-gray eyes staring at the world around you. It’s so exciting to know that soon some of those things will really start “clicking” for you… and maybe we’ll even get your first real smiles??

Your sister LOVES you. Seriously loves you. She has never shown one ounce of anger or jealousy toward you. All she wants to do is kiss and hug you, touch you, talk to you. She wants you to play with her, and loves when we put you down on your play mat so she can lie next to you. She brings you toys. One day this last week, you were crying and I heard Nora walking around her playroom. As she wandered around, she said quietly to herself, “What can I find to make Vivienne happy?” My heart almost burst from the cuteness. How lucky you are to have a big sister like Nora. (I know you’ll think differently at times when you’re older and fighting, which is why I’m writing this down now. She really does love you, I swear.)

I’m so thankful that you don’t mind being on the go. Typically, you cry when we put you into your car seat, but once we’re moving, you’re happy, regardless of whether you stay awake or pass out. It may be tough to actually get out of the house these days—I forgot how much STUFF we need to cart around with a baby!—but once we’re out, you have gone easy on me and let me get done what I need to. Last week, you and I had lunch with a friend. When the food arrived at the table, I had just finished feeding you, so I put you down in your car seat. I thought you would fuss and I’d ultimately need to try to eat my sandwich one-handed, but you sat there in your seat and looked around quietly while I ate my meal. Amazing. And thank you! :)

One of the most fun things about the first month together has just been to get to know you. Of course there are times when we compare you to your sister, because there are similarities. But I’ve also come to know the things that are uniquely you. I imagine I’ll continue discovering those things for the rest of our lives. My heart? It has doubled in size since you’ve been born, just to accommodate the love I have for you. It’s incredible how that happens.

Although I get sad about you growing so fast, I know from experience that there are so many wonderful things to come. I look forward to all of them.

I love you more than you’ll ever know. Welcome to the world, Munchie.

Kisses,
Mommy