Sensitive Sally

“I don’t want you to be mad,” she pleads.

We don’t even have to yell. Nora breaks down any and every time we have even a hint of firmness in our voices.

I’ve noticed lately that she is seemingly becoming very in tune with her emotions. Happiness, sadness, goofiness, annoyance, anger, fear, love… she’s letting all of them wash over her. She feels them. But she’s still learning how to properly deal with them.

She cries a lot. She yells a lot. But in doing so, she also expresses her feelings—in words—very clearly.

“I’m crying because I’m tired,” she explains.

She scolds us: “I am mad because you’re not being very nice!”

“I’m sad because I’m going to miss you,” she sobs.

In response to all of this—particularly her anger—we’ve tried to use words to explain to her what is unacceptable about her behavior. “Nora, I’m getting angry because you’re being rude” or “You’re not being a good listener.”

This makes her even more mad. “DON’T CALL ME RUDE!” she freaks out. “I DON’T LIKE YOU TO CALL ME RUDE!” Lately, it keeps escalating until we finally DO get really mad at her, at which point she cries and whines and becomes super apologetic.

Vicious cycle. She’s just so… sensitive.

That’s the thing, though. For every time she flies off the handle with a “negative” emotion, there’s another time that she expresses such strong positive feelings. She tells us—and Vivienne—all of the time how much she loves us. She’ll randomly say, “You’re my best sister, Vivienne” and give her a kiss.

When we were skiing last weekend, she periodically belted out “This is FUN!” as we glided down the hill. And when I picked her up from Mary’s on Valentine’s Day, after they had a little party, one of the first things she said to me was, “I had so much fun at Mary’s today!”

Perhaps the most amazing thing that has come out of this emotional development is the compassion. The remorse. I have been continually in awe at some of the things that come out of her mouth, and when. It very well could be normal, but her thoughtfulness seems almost adult at times.

We get into our share of arguments. I mean, she’s three; it comes with the territory. Sometimes, in the middle of all of it, she’ll “give in” and cry, “I want a hug” or “I want a kiss.” She wants that reassurance that we still love her. She craves that affection.

But it is her apologies that really get me. She will apologize—completely on her own—for things that she has done, hours after the “incident” occurred. Sometimes it’s even for really minor things. There was one night this past week when she gave us a difficult time at dinner. She was being a brat about what we were eating, but we remained firm and ultimately, things worked out and she ate a decent dinner. For Michael and me? It ended there. Later, after Michael had put her to bed and left her room, I went to kiss her and tuck her in after putting Vivienne down. When I opened her door, I saw her sitting up in bed in the dark.

As soon as she saw me, she said, “Mommy, I’m sorry for being naughty at dinner.”

My heart breaks into a million pieces when she does this. Because Michael and I? We were totally over it. Had been for a while. But Nora seems to hold onto things a bit longer. She mulls them over. It stays with her for hours, until she feels compelled to apologize about it.

Is this normal? I wonder sometimes. I feel like it’s a wonderful quality to have—to be so concerned about the feelings of others—but I also worry a little bit about her carrying her emotions around like that. Like baggage.

For what it’s worth, she also knows how to push buttons. In becoming better in tune with emotions—her own and those of others—she’s also learning how to manipulate them a bit. In the past week or so, she’s started with this thing where I’ll “correct” a behavior with a stern voice and she’ll say, “Mommy, you not love me anymore because I not listening.” WHAT?! It’s like she jumps from zero to sixty, with nothing in between. Because yeah, I’d really stop loving her because she won’t put her coat on. What the heck? Where do they learn this stuff??

Anyway, the mood swings going on around here are ridiculous.

Before Christmas, I posted a story on my personal Facebook page about Nora being defiant—and dramatic. One of my friends who has a daughter just a few months older than Nora commented, “I just told my husband that Myra is acting like she has her period!”

YES. THAT.

The teen years are going to be oodles of fun.