We had Nora’s preschool parent-teacher conference yesterday. Michael and I walked into her empty classroom and took a seat across from her teacher, in the tiny blue chairs at the too-short tables. Twenty minutes dedicated to hearing someone else’s evaluation of our girl.
It went really well. We weren’t quite sure what to expect, but it turned out that the teachers had been evaluating Nora in several areas over the last several weeks, making notes about her in each category.
We heard about how sweet she is. Independent, able to do most everything on her own except for needing a little help getting into and out of the princess dresses. :) Exhibits a preference for a lot of the manipulative play activities, like the dollhouse, puzzles, coloring, tracing. An observer. Reserved, but willingly jumps in to play with others if they invite her to. Shy, but participates fully in all of the group singing, poem recitation, learned hand motions, etc. A great listener. Follows directions and easily transitions from one thing to another when it’s time. Receptive to the lessons. LOVES the projects. Plays most often with Juliana, Mackenna and Jillian, and could probably benefit from having a few play dates with one or more of them outside of school. 
In the area of speech, her teacher did point out that she has some pretty obvious pronunciation issues, so she recommends speech therapy. I was not surprised, as even we have a difficult time understanding some of her words sometimes. I’m happy to get her services, eager even, because I know it can be frustrating to her at times. She’s astonishingly smart about it, though. If we don’t understand what she’s saying, she finds another way to tell us by giving us clues.
An example: We were in the car last week and she was saying something to me, I thought she was saying, “Wheel.” When I asked her if that’s what she was saying, she said, “No, Mommy. You know… IN THE SEA?! LIKE A DOLPHIN?!” Whale. Duh, Mommy. But to my credit, I was close. :)
Anyway, I’m a little pissed off at myself with the speech thing because I feel like I should’ve been advocating for her sooner. We had her evaluated shortly before she turned two because she had so few words. At that time, they determined that she was delayed but only mildly, not by enough to qualify for services. They encouraged us and told us not to worry, that she’d catch up. In the months that followed, she had a major word explosion so it seemed that they were right. I didn’t give it much more thought until the last six months or so, when I started to feel like she was markedly harder to understand than her peers. But we have a couple of friends whose kids go to the same preschool (different classes, but in some instances, same teacher) and one of their sons was recommended for speech services in October. It gave me a false sense of security about the situation because I figured that if her son was getting flagged by our teacher, we would’ve been notified if she believed there was an issue with Nora, too. Apparently not so.
Live and learn, I suppose. I’m going through the process of getting her started down that path now.
The teacher went on to tell us that Nora’s doing really great with her identification of letters, something I’ve been noticing lately, too. She’s working hard on learning to identify more numbers—she’s got 1-10 down, but needs more work on the others. She can count to 30 completely on her own, but can go to as high as 100 with prompting at each new “decade”—40, 50, 60, and so on. She understands the pattern of each, which is apparently good.
She showed us Nora’s drawings, which was another area of assessment. They were instructed to draw a self portrait, and Nora’s made my heart happy. The teacher pointed out the level of detail (eyelashes, fingers, purple sneakers, etc.) and deemed it “really good.” LOL. It’s too cute not to share:
Last night, when I showed Nora, she pointed out another detail we had all missed—the fact that she had been wearing her Frozen shirt that day. “But I didn’t have enough room to draw both Anna and Elsa on my shirt, so this is just Elsa.” Yep, there’s a miniature stick-figure person on the big stick-figure’s shirt. I DIE.
All told, it was a solid “report card.” It seems she is well on track for kindergarten in September.
Right?
Hold up, now. Not so fast.
Backing up… I always assumed Nora would go to kindergarten when she turned 5. Her birthday is September 11, the cutoff birthday here is December 1. I knew, of course, that it depends on the child and we would for sure consider other options if something unexpected came up in preschool. But barring any big problems, why wouldn’t she go?
It wasn’t until Nora’s 4-year well child visit to the pediatrician in September that we were introduced to the concept of redshirting. Our pediatrician didn’t call it this, but she asked about our plans for kindergarten. When we casually told her that we expected Nora to go next year as long as preschool went well, she paused for a moment and said, “I urge you to think about it more. Don’t decide until next summer. Because here’s the thing: MOST parents with children with fall birthdays are now holding them back. So Nora would be going to school with some children who are a full year older than her.”
I was dumbfounded. MOST parents are doing this? How are we just now hearing about this? And… Nora’s birthday is in early September. We’re not talking about a November birthday here. *My* birthday is in mid-August and I was always pretty young for my class; I never really thought twice about it. Because you go to kindergarten when you’re five. And by the way, Vivienne’s birthday is in early August… will this even be a topic of discussion when she becomes eligible for kindergarten? Will people even MENTION the idea of holding her back? I’m guessing not. And if that is indeed the case… do the 5-6 weeks between Vivienne’s birthday and Nora’s birthday REALLY make a difference?!
We left feeling like our pediatrician might be a little crazy. We love her, but what?
And then I started hearing it from other sources. That “most” parents are holding fall babies back and giving them an extra year. There was suddenly all of this external pressure to hold her back. And for no real reason except for the date of her birth.
I’ve since learned that this is called “redshirting.” It’s a trend—the practice of holding children back and starting them late to kindergarten so that they will have academic, social, and physical (sports) advantages as they progress through school.
I’m going to come right out and say: I think redshirting is bullshit.
Now, before anyone gets angry at me, I understand that in many areas of the country, the kindergarten cutoff birth dates are much earlier, so it might seem ridiculous to even consider sending Nora to kindergarten with a September birthday! And that’s fine, but that’s not the way it is here in New York. And just because you may have an earlier cutoff doesn’t mean you’re not dealing with redshirting, right? If your kindergarten cutoff birthday is August 1, I’m guessing that in some areas, parents of May, June, and July babies are also being faced with this lunacy.
I ALSO understand that it depends on the child. I absolutely get it. My own mother opted to hold my brothers back a year (they have an October birthday) because 1) they were active, busy little kids, 2) they are boys, and 3) they are twins, which apparently puts them at a disadvantage in and of itself. With those three strikes, my mom said the decision was easy. So, if you have a child you’ve decided to hold back for one reason or another—good for you. Honestly, you know your kid better than anybody and I’m sure your decision is a good one.
What I take issue with is redshirting as a trend. I take issue with it being “just something that you do” now.
I take issue with the fact that I sat through an overwhelmingly positive parent-teacher conference with a report on my daughter that gave us every reason to believe that she is excelling. And then, at the end, when I reminded the teacher that we’re still planning to send her to kindergarten in the fall, we suddenly got the “An extra year really does give a lot of kids an advantage” talk. Say what? You just got through telling us how wonderfully she’s doing.
Nora’s shy. She ALWAYS has been. But so were Michael and I. We STILL are. So I have a hard time understanding how giving her an extra year in preschool is going to supposedly “fix” the shyness. We can’t fix a personality trait—it’s who she is. And now that we know that the speech challenges are a real thing, I’m fairly confident they could be related. Once she knows people can understand her better, perhaps it’ll give her a boost of confidence to come out of her shell a little more quickly than is typical for her. The funny thing is that when I read about marks of social maturity or readiness for kindergarten, none of them have to do with being shy.
And the whole “she’ll be among the youngest in her class” argument… so?? Someone has to be. Whether it’s the kid with the September birthday or the kid with the July birthday, SOMEONE is going to be the youngest. I don’t think that being the youngest damns a child to academic and social failure. Nor do I think it even presents a true disadvantage. The whole topic of redshirting is hugely controversial, but a lot of the research—I’ve read quite a bit of it—seems to indicate that there is no real advantage to doing it.
I’ve periodically lost sleep over this debate the past several months. Michael and I have had countless conversations about it. We’ve discussed it with numerous friends and family. It’s a difficult decision. But what weighs on my mind most is what is right for MY CHILD, and I don’t see the need for the unnecessary outside pressures about redshirting her simply because it is “what most parents do.” It’s putting an enormous amount of additional stress onto our shoulders and it’s crap.
I also think that the “most parents are doing it” thing we’ve been hearing is an exaggeration. I’ve since learned of many parents who are planning to send their “young 5s” children next year. I wish someone could show me statistics—local ones!—since it seems to vary so much from region to region and state to state. It’s my understanding that there are parts of the country where redshirting has not caught on at all.
Overall, I believe it’s a slippery slope. Those of us with children with fall birthdays start holding our kids back, then the parents with children with summer birthdays will start getting antsy that now their children are the youngest. Then they’ll start holding their kids back. Then it’ll be the spring birthdays. And then what? We won’t send our kids to kindergarten until they’re seven?
To redshirt or not to redshirt? I don’t think there is a “right” or a “wrong” answer for Nora. I’m starting to believe that she’ll be fine no matter what we decide.
At one point during this whole debate the past few months, I had a moment of thinking, “Keep her little. What’s the rush? She doesn’t need to go yet.” Because I’ve spent a lot of time on both sides of the argument before landing where I am currently. Then I realized that by not sending her to kindergarten, I’m not keeping her little. She’ll still be 5, and then she’ll still be 6. The only thing I’m buying by holding her back is an extra year of A TEENAGER at home. And do we really want that? LOL.
So, parents: All this to say, please reconsider holding your kids back for no reason except for the date of their birth. Because really, what are we trying to accomplish? It’s OKAY to be the youngest. Consider the societal impact on what it is that we’re doing with this redshirting business. Make the decision with only your child and his/her abilities in mind; don’t worry so much about how he/she compares to his peers. Let’s have confidence in our kids, their teachers, and ourselves as parents.
Hand them a green shirt instead.
21 Responses to Redshirting
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About
I'm Heather. I'm 33 and have been married to Michael for seven years. Together, we have two beautiful little girls we love more than anything, and a miniature dachshund who drives us crazy. I'm a full-time working mom who has very little time for my own "stuff" these days, like home improvement, cooking/baking, cake decorating, and photography. Despite the team not making the playoffs since 1999, I'm STILL a Buffalo Bills fan, which I think speaks to my loyalty AND sense of humor. I can't wait to pick up the pace with travel again some day... you know, when we're done being ruled by tiny fists. Welcome to my blog.
I agree with you. I held my first child back a year because she was struggling somewhat in the learning department. Her bday is September 27th. I really don’t think it made a difference. She still struggled all the way through, but not enough to receive help from special classes. She is very bright, but school didn’t come very easy. She also has a very shy personality and is more of an observer than a doer. My other daughter is 4, like Nora. She has a May birthday. I will be sending her to school in the fall. I would anyway, even if her birthday was close to the cutoff date. Good luck. I am sure she will succeed she has such caring parents to help her!
Your post reminded me that I should type up my notes from our conference today – Carly’s very first parent/teacher conference. So cute the things they are “measuring” now and we got many of the same comments. On the redshirting… you are right. You have to decide what is best for YOUR child. A lot of people are doing it, but for their own reasons. But the fact that they are, is not why you should. We were faced with this decision even when deciding when to send Carly to preschool. You have to sign up so early…how will we know what she will be ready for in a year (potty-trained? ready socially to be able to listen to and follow directions, etc.). Jackson (7) is a December baby, so will always be one of the oldest in his class – or so we thought. In his first grade class, there are some 6 year olds, 7 year old twin girls (born in May) and there is even a boy who turned 8 in November! Quite a range (and there is quite a range in where they are with reading/writing). But, consider this… the 2 words I hate most right now… Common Core. The expectations on the kids these days is ridiculous. Research shows that kids are not developmentally ready to learn to read until 6 or 7 years old and now they are expecting it in kindergarten. This causes some kids to have anxiety, including wetting their pants, chewing on their lips (I saw it first-hand), and other nervous ticks. I also saw a very young 5 year old boy in kindergarten who had to leave class many times/day for extra help in reading, math, etc. and his maturity level was not there – always in the “red” zone on the behavior chart, putting things in his mouth like a toddler might do, smearing cake on his face at parties. Now this is just 1 kid – an extreme case. It could’ve been other factors with this child, of course. I have heard people who say that extra year really drew their child out of their shell and got them ready to be thrown into kindergarten, a full day which can also be exhausting for some kids (such as our friend you referenced about the speech). It is all overwhelming so I apologize for throwing more comments at you. Carly is a November baby (misses the cut-off by 2 weeks) and I’m glad we held her back from starting preschool at 2. She was so tiny, not potty-trained and definitely not ready. She is so quiet and shy now and cried for 2 months when I told her it was time for school. She’s just now getting into her rhythm with friends, the routine, etc. But that’s Carly. I talked to so many people when we made our decision and the general consensus was the ones that held back, no one regretted it. And a few that didn’t hold back, did regret it. And others did just fine. I heard from teachers that it’s easier to challenge a child that is ready for it, than to help one that is behind (too many requirements on them these days with no help). I do think that the difference in drawing between Nora and Carly for being only 2 months apart is astounding. And if she really wrote those letters for her list to Santa you posted a few weeks ago, that’s amazing. Carly is nowhere near that level. I know what you mean about losing sleep. People tell me “Oh you wouldn’t want to send her to college at 17.” and “Think about when she’s a teenager.” It really just matters at this moment and what you feel is right. If you feel she’s up to the challenge of kindergarten (full day – even the older kids, including Jackson, can take 2 months before they are not exhausted and have more tantrums once they get home, ready to start reading in the fall, does well in the classroom with listening/participating/behavior, etc.), then she’ll be just fine. I hate to bombard you with more info, just wanted to make sure you knew about Common Core and the expectations once they get to K. The district has amazing teachers – she will be in good hands! Let me know if you want to chat more… and if this was even more overwhelming and you didn’t really want comments, I’m sorry. :)
Good for you! Redshirting really isn’t the way to go. Kids are resilient and capable of so much more than we sometimes give them credit for. In Ontario our Kindergarten classes are mixed (Junior and Senior together) – meaning there are kids who are 4 years old with kids who are turning 6 years old within a few months of the start of school. My son was 3 when he started – he has a late fall birthday :) He was/is absolutely fine – the older kids in the class are wonderful models of routine and behaviour and can teach the little ones so much!
Nora will absolutely love the exciting and new stimulation of Kindergarten :)
I am with you, 100%. Someone is has to be the youngest, and that can sometimes come with challenges, but there will always be challenges. I agree its a trend, one that comes from competitiveness and wanting your kid to be protected, sheltered, the top. Yes, each make a decision for your own child but it is not to feel the pressures of EVERYONE doing it. Sigh.
OMG thank you for writing this!!! I feel the exact same way and it seemed I was the only one! My birthday is in December and I started school when I was 4 – I was always the youngest person in my class and it was never a big deal. My daughter will be 5 in June so she will be starting kindergarten in the fall. But most of her friends at daycare with birthdays just a few weeks after her are waiting until next year. Having to defend your decision to send a 5 year old to kindergarten seems crazy to me, but it’s the reality now. As NOLAGirlie said, the bottom line is that parents should start their kids when they are ready, not when they will favorably stack up against classmates .
I was always 100% “send them young”. I was a June birthday, and my sister July. We both went on time (or “young”) and did great. Back then kindergarten was every other day, and it was fun. Today, kindergarten is all day everyday (in Ohio) and they have to take a test proving they can read half way through the year. Not my idea of fun.
Enter the picture, my son who born in July. The kid could not count to 4 on his 4th birthday. TRUST me, it wasn’t that I didn’t try to teach him. I’m a teacher for pete’s sake. It wasn’t that he had development problems. He is very smart; he is just very stubborn and not into academic learning. He can tell me when my van needs a new carburetor though. He is now 4.5 and only knows 13 of his letters and can only count to 12 before he messes up and skips to 14. His preschool report card said he is “right on track with preschool academics”. I know kids his age that can read. I think I put too much pressure on myself thinking he should be able to do what all the kids can do on the blogs I read.
We are holding him back because honestly, I don’t see the need to push him into such a strict academic environment so young. We live in a district that is crazy nuts with parents who push their kids to be in calculus by their 10th grade year (no joke). I don’t want him to start out feeling so “behind”.
In conclusion, I’m sure my son would be fine going on time. I’m sure he would be fine getting held back. I’m sure Nora will do great whatever you decide as well. Good luck!
I also agree that red shirting is a crock! Being in the profession, no amount of prep will prepare your child for kindergarten. I think Nora being on the shy side is actually a positive thing because she will be less likely to be distracted by her peers and more likely to concentrate on her studies. It’s a good quality to process for the long run! I won’t deny that the kindergarten curriculum is rigorous and at times stressful but I think that will be at any age, another year won’t make a difference. I think you know Nora the best and if your instincts say start this year start her. There are so many resources available these days that she will not go unnoticed IF something were to arise. She has a good head on her shoulders because of her awesome parents so I think she will do just fine :)
I don’t understand it either. Avery turned 5 in June and started K in Sept. We have several neighbors who have kids born within a week of her and they didn’t start them for whatever reason. The one mom told me “he’s only little once so I might as well keep him home.” WHY?? For me, it was never a choice-if she was ready at 5, she was going. My SIL held back my nephew (Aug bday) but had good reasons-he’s a boy, he’s super tiny/short. She did send my niece (Nov bday) at the age of 4 and she has done great. I personally think Avery would have been bored to tears with another year of preschool. And from what you are saying Nora can do, she’s doing what Avery is in K (counting to 100 is a June goal for them), drawing people, identifying letters/numbers. From what you say, I think she’s ready. I think holding them back just so they are guaranteed a better/bigger athlete, or older is just dumb. Obviously if they’re behind for whatever reason that’s one thing. But just based on age or to “get ahead” of peers is ridiculous.
Oh yes, I totally agree. In MN, the cutoff is Sept 1, so it’s summer birthdays that are making the decision to hold back or not. My kids are January and March bdays, so it’s not even a consideration for me. One article I read really summed it up well for me – if you are ABLE to make that choice, as in, you can afford to keep your kid in daycare/preschool that you PAY FOR for another year vs sending them to a school that is free (if your kids go to public school) then, guess what, they will be fine. Because the vast majority of people do not get to make that choice. They have to send their kids because it’s not a financial option to pay for another year of childcare, and then there are STILL early 5s in a class with 7 year olds. I do agree that with some serious special needs, I would consider holding a kid back (but then they’d probably qualify for special ed anyway), but it’s not something that would really enter my mind. Also, for us, my kids are already going to be used to full day care, and will go to full-day PreK for a year at their elementary school prior to going to kindergarten anyway, so the adjustment won’t be as tough.
We will now have to face this decision a little more with baby #3 due in late August (not sure if you knew that, posted it on my blog yesterday) but I still think we’d lean heavily toward sending as long as they are a typically developing kid.
This has already entered my mind and we still have a year and a half before Sophia turns 5. Since she has a late June birthday I’ve been having an internal debate about if we should hold her back. She gives us no reason to consider it because of developmental or maturity issues. Your post really hammered home the point that SOMEONE has to be the youngest and it doesn’t necessarily mean she’ll be behind. Now that I think about it some more I worry if she was redshirted that she may be bored with school which would cause a whole other set of issues. And the idea that this is a “trend” is frustrating because it’s education we’re talking about not cloth diapers or babywearing…this is something that will affect the rest of their educational careers.
We are in the same situation, my daughter is 2 days older than Nora, and our cut-off is September 30. She has been in day care since she was 12 weeks old, and in pre-k at her school since late August. We were worried about this before she was bored, but as the date gets closer, I can’t imagine not sending her. I really don’t know what she would do at school next year if she didn’t go, and fear long-term if she isn’t challenged enough. I would much rather have her young and challenged (not overwhelmed), then old and bored.
I haven’t read the other responses yet, I will at my 3am feeding ;)
I did want to say that here in Colorado I haven’t heard the term “red shirting” in regards to kindergarten. I have however heard of parents holding back on kindergarten because an extra year of play is very important and school nowadays is no longer about letting children be children. Kindergarten used to be prep for school. Now preschool is prep and little children aren’t getting the all important play that they need.
There was a report on NPR recently that broached the subject of wheather kids have an advantage when being the older kids in class. By the time they get to 3rd or 4th grade it all equalled out. So while they had a slight advantage for a couple years, it evened out and no longer did they have that advantage. I think that talks more to what you’re speaking of.
Have you heard in New York much talk about the “play time?” We have more “crunchy” types here though so maybe it’s more of a Central thing? Lol
my youngest was born in July and I let her start kindergarten at the age of 5…yes she was the youngest and it made it a little shy but she excelled to the point they wanted her to skip a grade…her Dad and I thought long and hard and decided to let her stay in the grade she was meant to be in…there is enough stress on kids without adding more by placing her ahead….she is doing wonderful…still the top of her class….I cant see punishing children because of there birthdays and in many cases they turn out to be the better adjusted and smarter of the older ones….
I totally agree. I am an August birthday and never had problems (graduated top of my class) and the cutoff back then was November 30. Connor is an August 23 birthday and our cutoff now is August 31. We plan to send him on time, but I’m hearing of this redshirting business more and more and it makes me question whether we are doing the right thing for him. Are we creating a disadvantage by following the guideline? I just think that if there is going to be a date/guideline you should HAVE to follow it unless your child has an actual delay or disability (not just because you aren’t ready or WANT to hold them back). I heard of someone the other day redshirting a boy so he’d be one of the bigger ones in his class, etc – NOT OKAY in my book. Then I come to my youngest – Caroline – she’s a September 27 birthday so she’ll be almost 6 when she starts and I’d rather her start ‘early’ (if she’s developmentally ready, of course) but I understand it’s nearly impossible to get that pushed through! I think the whole thing is ridiculously frustrating!
Yes! Thank you for this post! I have a mid-October birthday and the cutoff in NJ is Oct 1. My mom fought to have me put into school “a year early” because we had moved from NY. I went through a series of tests, and was approved, and then, in third grade, I was bumped into the Gifted & Talented Program. Sure, I was the youngest in my class (the oldest kid actually had the same birthday, a year earlier), but it never stopped me! If anything, I was challenged to keep up with them!
As a man who was redshirted, I must say I hated it. A lot of parents say they redshirt to children to give them an academic advantage, but let me ask: How do they have an academic advantage over all their peers when they’re a year behind all their peers? How are they ahead if they’re in second grade when they’re supposed to be in third. This is why I would never redshirt my kids. I’d much rather they be doing okay in the grade they’re supposed to be in then be doing spectacularly being a grade behind. Doing better than kids a year younger than you is nothing to be proud of, and I want to be proud of my kids. Part of glory is doing things early, and if I redshirted my kids, they would be deprived of any academic glory, like I was. So don’t redshirt your kids. If anything, try to get them tested in early. Becoming valedictorian is really nothing to be proud of unless you were against kids your own age or older.
[…] mentioned in my recent post about kindergarten that Nora’s preschool teacher told us at her parent-teacher conference in January that she […]
My daughter’s birthday is Sept. 21 and we have been having the same struggle but we also feel like she’s ready. Is the kindergarten in New York half days or all day? We are in Michigan and they only offer all day now. My concern is wondering how she will do with all day.
Send her on time. If you hold her back a year, being the smartest won’t be anything to be proud of since she’ll be the oldest. What should fill you with pride is she does better than kids her own age and older. Trust me, I was redshirted and I hated it. Seriously, how is a 9-year-old who’s doing well in 3rd grade smart when most of his or her peers are in 4th grade? If you redshirt her, it closes all doors to glory. Send her on time. This way, even if she doesn’t do as well is her classmates, it won’t be that shameful since she’ll be among the youngest. And if she’s the smartest, that will be a huge victory.
[…] was not an easy decision about whether you should go to kindergarten this year, or wait until next. There were arguments […]
I’m sorry, but it would be completely unfair to other kids if you redshirted her. Kindergarten is designed for 5-year-olds, so a 6-year-old in the classroom will naturally perform above and beyond and make the age-appropriate kids look bad. You’d be sending him the message that it’s okay to cheat. I know other parents do that, but I feel that one of the most crucial lessons for parents to teach their kids is to play fair. He may also get the message that you didn’t have enough confidence in him to handle age-appropriate work, which isn’t bound to make him feel very good.
I’m speaking from experience. My wife and I were both redshirted(we both have August birthdays) and we hated it. We felt like we were robbed a year. We didn’t graduate high school and get out into the real world until we were almost 19. It didn’t feel good at all. We both decided that we wanted to give our child the opportunities we didn’t have. We were living in Vermont when we had our daughter. She was born on December 25th and the cut-off is January 1st. We were able to enroll her when she was 4. Then, after she finished 1st grade, we moved to Minnesota, where the cut-off is September 1st. That meant that a third of the kids a grade below were older than her. And you know what? She feels really good about it. She’s now 11 starting 7th grade, and she enjoys being able to rub it in people’s faces that she’s learning the same material as them at a younger age. She does well for the most part, but when she does do poorly, we can always use her age as an excuse. She’s already a grade above most of her peers, so she’s under no pressure to do well, and we’re not under a lot of pressure to push her. Because we know that no matter how she does in school, she will always be above average.