Spring

So, that was the longest blog drought ever. I’ve never gone a full month without posting, but somehow, that’s what has happened. I am in a serious rut with this blog, my little space on the world wide web. I’m honestly struggling with it. Over the past several weeks, I have—on more than one occasion—thought about writing one last “goodbye” post, or just letting the whole blog slip quietly into the shadows forever.

It’s strange that something that once felt like such a big part of my life—such a huge part of documenting it, of saving my thoughts and experiences for reflection in the future—has fallen so far down on my list of priorities. Already, Vivienne’s growth and development is far less documented than Nora’s was. I know that this phenomenon is completely normal, dating back decades into the past when parents would take far less photographs of each subsequent child, and would fill out far less of the baby books (if they even got around to buying one). So I try not to feel too guilty about that. Honestly, maybe she’s better off for it. I’ve never fully been able to understand whether this blog is a gift to my children (for someday), or whether it’s really just a gift for myself.

And Nora—well, she’s a real live person now, you guys. Of course, she has been for quite some time, but there is definitely a shift that has happened in the last year. I’ve felt it, the transition from toddler to GIRL. And with kindergarten approaching in the fall, we are entering a new stage of our lives—the school years. It is crazy to think that this stage will carry us through to high school graduations. I can’t even.

Anyway, there has obviously been some deep thinking going on around here. I would love to get back to the glory days of my blogging. Pick up the pace, gain new readers, document my world, explore my thoughts again. But I’ve struggled with how much effort I’m willing to give it. How much time can I spare in a day that already feels so full? And it’s full of mostly really wonderful things. LIFE. LIVING. LOVE. BREATHING.

Things are in a great groove right now. My marriage is good. My kids are awesome. I love my job. I feel good about myself and where I’m at with taking time for myself with CrossFit. We’ve been making time for friends and seeing them more (although there are still some others we need to re-establish regular connections with). I think I’m feeling more at peace with my life right at this moment than I have ever since we’ve started our family. I’ve found the balance that we as moms crave so deeply.

But damn it, that balance has not included blogging. I’ve found myself wondering why that is. Is the lack of blogging—one less thing to worry about—contributing to the better sense of balance? Or is the lack of blogging actually because I feel more balanced?

On another note, March was a crazy month. I traveled twice for work, I was subsequently busy at work, and we had a lot going on otherwise. Preschool events. Parties and get-togethers. More illness (ugh). So, April. I’m feeling really good about April. Even though the weather forecast is still pretty disgusting—68 degrees today, but then we struggle to get over 45 for the rest of the foreseeable future—spring is in the air. It’s a time of rebirth.

Maybe I can breathe new life into this blog.

Or maybe not. I honestly don’t know. Even when I think about blogging, there are many times when I don’t know what I would even write about. But I’m going to try to make a concerted effort this month, and see how things shake out. If it falls by the wayside again, maybe it is really time to let it go. We’ll see. I make no promises.

I can only try.