Dear Vivienne,
One month old already. How in the world?! I guess it’s true that time goes faster with every year I’m older, because gosh, that month FLEW by. I don’t even really know what happened to August, to be honest.
Needless to say, you have settled right into our family. And our lives have settled around you. It’s funny to think back to a time—just a handful of weeks ago!—when I was so nervous about a new person making us a family of four. I didn’t know what that would look like, what it would feel like, or who you would be. Now I know all of that, and it’s my new normal. Deep down, I always knew that would happen, of course, but I still couldn’t help but feel anxious about it all. How comforting to know that all of the worry was for naught.
This first month, I’ve really only been doing two things: 1) Living from feeding to feeding, and 2) Soaking it all in. The difference between a first and second baby is that I now understand exactly how fleeting this time is. I know that before I know it, you will be crawling, walking, running, talking. These moments with you as a squishy newborn, content to do nothing but sleep on my chest or with your mouth and and nose nuzzled up to my breast? They will be gone before I know it. And that, my dear baby, is a sad reality for your mommy. I want you to grow and smile and laugh and play—because all of those things are so incredibly fun—but I also want you to stay just as you are. Forever. Seriously, for.ev.er.
When people asked me before you were born if we were going to be “done” after two kids, I answered without much of a doubt… yes. YES. But now that you’re here and I’m experiencing this cuddly, dreamy newborn stuff again? I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t make me want to do it again someday. There is something so profoundly heartbreaking about looking at you and thinking that you are my LAST. That I will never again bring home a brand new baby and get to spend the next 12 weeks snuggling day and night? That’s tough stuff. I know that my hormones and emotions are getting the best of me, and I will come to my senses at some point. But just know that you are such a dream that you’ve actually made me want to consider having another baby someday. That says a lot about you, don’t you think?
You are a good baby, particularly as far as newborns are concerned. We’ve had our share of frustrating moments—and definitely a few rough nights—but for the most part, I cannot complain, and I know how lucky I am. You are noisy. You grunt a lot in your sleep. And a week or so ago, you kept that up ALL night for a few nights, and I felt like I might lose my mind. But then you settled back in and things have been smooth sailing since then. I know that it’s not the last challenging stretch we’ll go through, but I’m glad for the reprieve—even if it turns out to be temporary. On our good nights (which are thankfully pretty often), you give me a good stretch between around 10:30-11 p.m. and 3-4 a.m., then go back to sleep easily until between 6-8 a.m. We’re up for the day with your sister around 7 a.m. anyway! We have some nights when you give me the good stretch at first but then the second stretch is harder. You won’t settle back down as easily, or you turn up the noise factor for the second half of the night.
You’re a great eater. You don’t miss a meal, I’ll tell you that! You cluster feed sometimes, most often in the mornings, or in the evenings before bed. I figure it is a product of your good nighttime sleeping, so I am happy to oblige with the extra nursing sessions. I’m not sure what you weigh right now, since we haven’t been to the pediatrician since you were two weeks old, but I’m guessing somewhere in the neighborhood of 8 lbs. You were born at 6 lbs., 11 oz. When we left the hospital at 2 days old, you were 6 lbs., 5 oz. By the time we visited the pediatrician at 4 days old? You had already regained your birth weight. Then, at two weeks old, you were 7 lbs., 4 oz. You’re still tiny, of course, but I know you’ve already grown significantly (relatively speaking). I can feel it when I lift you. I see it in your face, belly, and thighs as you’re filling out.
You still sleep a lot during the day, too, which I love—more snuggles!—but there is nothing cuter than the stretches during which you’re awake, but content. I love watching those beautiful blue-gray eyes staring at the world around you. It’s so exciting to know that soon some of those things will really start “clicking” for you… and maybe we’ll even get your first real smiles??
Your sister LOVES you. Seriously loves you. She has never shown one ounce of anger or jealousy toward you. All she wants to do is kiss and hug you, touch you, talk to you. She wants you to play with her, and loves when we put you down on your play mat so she can lie next to you. She brings you toys. One day this last week, you were crying and I heard Nora walking around her playroom. As she wandered around, she said quietly to herself, “What can I find to make Vivienne happy?” My heart almost burst from the cuteness. How lucky you are to have a big sister like Nora. (I know you’ll think differently at times when you’re older and fighting, which is why I’m writing this down now. She really does love you, I swear.)
I’m so thankful that you don’t mind being on the go. Typically, you cry when we put you into your car seat, but once we’re moving, you’re happy, regardless of whether you stay awake or pass out. It may be tough to actually get out of the house these days—I forgot how much STUFF we need to cart around with a baby!—but once we’re out, you have gone easy on me and let me get done what I need to. Last week, you and I had lunch with a friend. When the food arrived at the table, I had just finished feeding you, so I put you down in your car seat. I thought you would fuss and I’d ultimately need to try to eat my sandwich one-handed, but you sat there in your seat and looked around quietly while I ate my meal. Amazing. And thank you! :)
One of the most fun things about the first month together has just been to get to know you. Of course there are times when we compare you to your sister, because there are similarities. But I’ve also come to know the things that are uniquely you. I imagine I’ll continue discovering those things for the rest of our lives. My heart? It has doubled in size since you’ve been born, just to accommodate the love I have for you. It’s incredible how that happens.
Although I get sad about you growing so fast, I know from experience that there are so many wonderful things to come. I look forward to all of them.
I love you more than you’ll ever know. Welcome to the world, Munchie.
Kisses,
Mommy
Nora very rarely shows anyone—except for us, of course—her true colors.
At home, she’s spirited, loud, and talkative. We can’t get her to shut up, really, which is funny considering we were so worried about her lack of speech last year. She’s a performer; she loves to make us laugh. But bring someone else into our house, whether it’s a grandparent, an aunt/uncle, a friend or a complete stranger, and little miss locks it up. She’s quiet, reserved, observant. I often say that I wish others could see Nora the way that we see her.
This video is a start. :)
During the early weeks of Nora’s life, I was very hesitant to talk to anyone about her nighttime sleep. The truth was that she was a GREAT sleeper. Like, freakishly great. My newborn daughter was super kind to me. I feared that if I dared speak about it out loud, she would change. I was superstitious about it! I also knew that a lot of my friends and family had not had that same experience with their kids, and I honestly did not want it to seem like I was bragging.
From Day 1, Vivienne was also a good sleeper. I don’t think it has been at the same level that Nora was, but still, I wasn’t doing any complaining. I was counting blessings. And I also wasn’t all that superstitious about it like I was last time, so I even mentioned it in my blog post last week. But I said, “Vivi’s a good sleeper” and then went on to add the caveat “So far.” I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, I suppose.
And then she turned three weeks old and it did. Something changed.
Vivienne is still sleeping just fine, for the most part. But I am not.
How is this possible? you might ask. Well, it is because Vivienne is now quite possibly the LOUDEST NEWBORN ON THE PLANET.
The grunting, people. The newborn grunting. I cannot for the life of me figure out how she can grunt—nearly constantly—in her sleep for hours straight.
It started on Friday night. She slept quietly for the first stretch of the night, but after I fed her around 2 a.m., she proceeded to make noise for the remaining five hours until we gave up and got up at 7 a.m. with Nora. In the beginning, I thought she was awake. Fussy. I kept leaning over the side of the bed and stuffing the pacifier into her mouth. The way she was grunting/straining, it sounded like she was trying to poop. So I thought—if she can just get that poop out, we’ll be good. But no. It wasn’t about poop. I wondered if she was gassy. I wondered if she has reflux (she’s also been spitting up… sometimes A LOT, and sometimes projectile). I wondered if she was suddenly hating the swaddle.
And maybe she is one of those things. I don’t know, but I had a lot of time to think about the possibilities as I lied awake in bed, tossing and turning for FIVE HOURS while I silently begged this little angel to be quiet so mommy could get some sleep.
By early Saturday morning, I was Googling because I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed answers. And come to find out, apparently “noisy sleeper newborns” are a thing. And IT’S NORMAL. Which—on the one hand—thank God it’s normal, but on the other—holy hell, there’s nothing we can do?? Apparently some babies are just very noisy during their “active sleep” stages of their sleep cycles, and it’s very common for them to have more “active sleep” in the wee hours of the morning. Thank you, Dr. Sears. But HELP.ME.
I was still hoping that it was a fluke night—she had kept me awake with grunting for a few hours one night earlier last week, but then proceeded to go back to her “normal,” quiet self the next night. But Saturday night was no better. In fact, it was worse. I “woke up” (HA!) yesterday morning feeling like a zombie.
I should note that I do not do well with sleep deprivation. At all. I can handle a few wake-ups to feed her, of course, but being up ALL NIGHT is another thing altogether.
Last night? More of the same. She actually grunted the WHOLE night, not just during the second half of it. And I actually slept better than Friday and Saturday nights, because I had a pillow over my head for the entire night. I’m not even kidding—the entire night with my head sandwiched between pillows. Surprisingly, even that is not enough to drown her out completely, so my sleep was still very broken, but at least I got a little bit of shut-eye. But I must still be in the negative as far as the sleep bank goes, because I feel no better today than I did on Saturday and Sunday.
I just don’t know what to do. The logical solution seems to be to move her to her nursery, but I just… can’t. At least I don’t think I can, not yet. She’s only three weeks old, and I’m too paranoid about SIDS. If we were to move her into her nursery, in order to feel comfortable, I’d have to have the monitor up loud enough to hear the Snuza alarm if it went off, and in that case—I’d still be able to hear the grunting. So how is that helpful?
For now, I’m trying to stick it out. From what I’ve read, the noisiness usually passes—but it could be weeks, or months. So it’s just a matter of how long I can handle this level of sleep deprivation, really.
Add this to the list of things I did not know about babies, even as a second-time mom. I had no idea that I needed to worry about her keeping me awake with her would-be-funny-and/or-sweet little newborn noises… if they were during the day.
Has anyone else dealt with a “noisy newborn”? How long did this last?
And better yet, how did you survive?
Things have been quiet around here.
The blog, I mean. Life has been decidedly NOT quiet. I mean, I sit around the house a lot—with a baby attached to me half the time, it seems—but somehow, the days still fly by. I start off each day with good intentions, with a mental list of things I intend to get done. But then, my new routine takes over and before I know it, the day is over again. Funny how that happens.
Breakfast, diaper, feeding, pumping, shower, laundry, diaper, feeding, lunch, errands, diaper, feeding… and then Nora’s home. I swear, that’s how it goes. That simple sequence somehow eats up nine hours of every day.
Nora’s still attending daycare full time. Part of me feels guilty about that because I’m home and I feel like I should be taking advantage of the extra time to spend with her, too, but Michael still has to work, obviously, and I honestly can’t imagine how I’d handle both of them at home all day, every day, by myself right now. Sounds pathetic, since you know, I am their mother and I kinda have to get used to dealing with two kids and all, but seriously, for all you stay-at-home-moms? I bow down at your feet. I don’t know how you do it. On the other hand, it’s been good for Nora to keep her routine—plus, we really can’t pull her out of daycare anyway since we still have to pay for it in order to “hold her spot.” So hey, it’s working for us right now. I think we’re all adjusting better because of it.
Weekends are nice because we’re all together. We’ve been pretty busy, actually, and will continue to be for the next several weekends. We went to a family baby shower one weekend, went to my in-laws’ for dinner. We run errands, we play outside. All of the usual weekend stuff didn’t cease with Vivienne’s arrival. Life still feels pretty normal, I’m just more tired these days and I have to go to bed earlier.
Vivienne is doing really well. She still sleeps a lot, but she’s giving us a couple of longer stretches of awake time each day. I love watching her all wide-eyed as she tries to make sense of her world. And given that she very well may be my last baby, I’m trying to soak up all of the newborn-ness and not worry so much about spoiling her, getting on schedules, and things of that nature. I’m too Type A to abandon that completely, but I recognize that it will all come in time. She’s not even three weeks old yet, so there’s no need to go there. And please, we all know you can’t put a newborn baby on any sort of real schedule anyway.
Our nights are usually good, thankfully. So far. We have a few tougher nights thrown into the mix here and there, but for the most part she gives us a good stretch between 10:30-11 p.m. and 3-4 a.m. We do a diaper change and she nurses, then HOPEFULLY goes back down easily until 6-7 a.m. again. So yeah, Vivi’s a good sleeper. Again, so far. On the rough nights, the second half of the night is what gives us trouble—she has a hard time settling back down again sometimes, or she won’t settle into a truly deep sleep and she’ll keep me awake with her newborn grunting for HOURS. One night earlier this week, I was almost ready to evict her to her nursery just so I could have some peace and quiet. :)
Nora continues to be awesome. With the baby, at least. She still has her challenging moments/days when she completely tests our patience and drives us to the brink of insanity, but that comes with the territory when you have a 3-year-old. Well, almost-3-year-old. Speaking of which, we are planning her birthday party now. Invitations are going out in the mail tomorrow, and her actual birthday is just three weeks from now, which is CRAZY.
I turned 31 last Friday. My celebrating was purposefully low key. I spent a quiet day at home snuggling my baby for the majority of it, then we went out to dinner with my family, kids in tow. I pigged out on cookie cake and went to bed early. It’s all good. :)
My recovery is going well. I am out and about, pretty much as normal. I get comments from people in stores nearly every time I’m out, so apparently it is a rare thing for a new mom and baby to be in public this soon? That’s what people imply, anyway. They first ask me how old my little one is, and when I tell them, I get a variety of responses, but all along the same lines—”Oh wow, you’re brave!” or “Wow! You’re doing really well” or “When I had my babies, I didn’t leave the house for two months!” Sometimes, it’s hard to tell whether they are actually in awe of me, or if they are judging me. *shrug* I don’t do well being trapped in the house, so I try to plan an errand for myself most days. Especially when the weather is nice, it’s good to get out for a bit. During this time, Vivienne sleeps quietly in her car seat for the most part, so I don’t see the harm.
I go back to work at the end of October. It seems far away, but I can’t believe that I’m already in my third week of leave, either. So I know it’ll fly by wayyy faster than I’d like. I try not to think about it, honestly, because it makes me too sad.
Having Michael working from home this time around has been nice. The house isn’t as quiet and lonely during the day, even though he spends most of the day working (like he is supposed to!), not hanging out with me or anything. Just having him here is nice, plus he is able to pitch in with Viv here and there if I need him to—you know, while I shower. Or even pee.
For the past (almost) three weeks, that’s pretty much our life in a nutshell. Things are different, but also the same. I think Vivienne has settled pretty well into our lives, filling a spot that we didn’t even realize was open. Hopefully it’s only going to get more fun from here!
We’ve built ourselves a nice stash of newborn all-in-ones (AIOs) this time around, but I know there are tons of people out there who LOVE prefolds, so I’m hoping there is someone who wants to take these off my hands!
I have two dozen (24) Green Mountain Diapers orange-edge newborn unbleached prefolds + 3 Snappi fasteners.
$53—including shipping—for all.
These are in excellent used condition. I purchased them in the summer of 2010 when I was expecting Nora, and only used them for about 4-6 weeks before we switched over to one-size pocket diapers. We saved them, intending to use them for Vivienne, too, but as I mentioned, we have since built a stash of newborn AIOs which are better for us right now.
All of the prefolds were sunned last week, so there are minimal breastfed-baby-poo stains, if any at all. Almost all of the diapers look spotless. These were washed only in Charlie’s Soap, and come from a smoke-free home.
Please let me know if you’re interested!
About
I'm Heather. I'm 33 and have been married to Michael for seven years. Together, we have two beautiful little girls we love more than anything, and a miniature dachshund who drives us crazy. I'm a full-time working mom who has very little time for my own "stuff" these days, like home improvement, cooking/baking, cake decorating, and photography. Despite the team not making the playoffs since 1999, I'm STILL a Buffalo Bills fan, which I think speaks to my loyalty AND sense of humor. I can't wait to pick up the pace with travel again some day... you know, when we're done being ruled by tiny fists. Welcome to my blog.
