Well, there was definitely part of me that never believed I would be here. Nora was born at 39 weeks at around 3:30 a.m. so I never wrote a 39-week post for her pregnancy. And until recently, I just assumed that this baby would be coming at or before 39 weeks, too. And ever since I saw those two pink lines on a pregnancy test and calculated my estimated due date, I really thought I’d have a July baby, not an August one.

But unless something unexpected happens in the next 27 hours, an August baby this will be.

You know what they say about expectations, right? *sigh* It’s my own fault.

Anyway, at this point, I’m just hoping not to go over 40 weeks. Come on, baby.

And that’s all I’m going to say about being impatient and how much I am READY and how OHMYGODGETTHISBABYOUT. Because I’m sick of talking about it, so I’m sure you are tired of hearing about it, too.

39 Weeks Pregnant

This week’s photo is not the best representation of my belly because the shirt is too flowy and I didn’t pull it taut underneath, but OH WELL I AM OVER IT. All things considered, I think I’ve done a decent job documenting this pregnancy given that it’s baby #2, I have a toddler to care for, and this pregnancy definitely hasn’t been as smooth as my first (you know, terrible first trimester sickness, appendicitis at 22 weeks, etc.).

At my doctor’s appointment last week, my blood pressure was still low and perfect, so apparently the high blood pressure reading I had back at my 36-week appointment was just a fluke. In my pregnancy with Nora, my blood pressure continuously crept higher and higher every week, which led to talks of induction. This time, not so much, and for that I am grateful, obviously. I also had a lot more swelling during the end of Nora’s pregnancy. I had frequent bouts of “Fred Flintstone” feet, and I have not had that problem at all this time—not even once. And whereas I had to give up my wedding rings at 32 weeks with Nora, and this time I am still able to wear them now. Go figure.

I have kept forgetting to report on weight gain, but total weight gain as of this morning is standing at about 25-26 lbs. I gained 26 lbs. with Nora, so I am right on track. Obviously if I have to go another week or two without birthing a baby, I’m likely to put on a couple more pounds, but whatever. If I go past due, the weight gain is going to be the least of my complaints, believe me! :)

I broke down and actually threw a few things into a hospital bag this weekend. Before that, I had been thinking that the less prepared I was, perhaps the more likely the baby was going to make a little bit of an early appearance, haha! Also, based on my experience with Nora’s birth, I don’t really NEED anything from home for the birth, so I just was not all that motivated to put items of clothing—especially since I have so few that comfortably fit me these days—aside and out of daily rotation.

We also finally worked out some of the contingency plans for when the time comes. What’s going to happen if I’m at work, what will happen if it’s the middle of the night, what if Nora is at home, what if she’s at daycare, etc. Probably all good things to discuss so there aren’t any moments of panic when things do finally get real.

On Sunday night, I slept like absolute crap. I got up SIX TIMES to pee within a matter of 5-6 hours, and the last time I was up (at 5:15), I couldn’t fall back to sleep to save my life. Needless to say, I was pretty miserable on Monday morning. And then I got to work and I was overly emotional for no reason at all. I was sitting, crying at my desk, all the while thinking, “You are a crazy person. You don’t even WANT to be crying right now. You’re not even sad. Why are you crying?” Hormones are a bitch, that’s all.

My next doctor’s appointment is on Thursday morning. I’ve been walking the neighborhood every day, trying to walk this baby out. I’ve been adding spice to my food whenever possible. So at the very least, I hope that if I make it to Thursday’s appointment, I hear a good report regarding progress because holy hell, all of this effort has to be doing something. I know she’ll strip the membranes again, too, so hopefully that will be the thing that finally gets things moving, eh??

I am so ready to know if this baby is a boy or a girl. We are solid on a boy’s name, but we still aren’t certain for a girl. I wish we were going into it at ease with a name picked out for either one, but for a girl, I just can’t pick yet. And there’s part of me that wonders, of course, if we’ll even need to worry about it—because hey, it could be a boy!—so I don’t really want to stress out over it too much unless we have to cross that bridge, you know? I think we have it narrowed down to two, so if a girl pops out, it will just be a matter of making a final decision. And in that case, I hope her little face speaks to me and makes it easy, and that I’ll just know which name is supposed to be hers.

I’ve been reading birth stories like crazy. At this point, I’m so interested in what other women felt before labor. Did it come on slowly? Were there lots of “warning signs”? Or did it come out of nowhere? Obviously I’m particularly interested in that part of it right now since I haven’t really been feeling any of my own warning signs and I’m trying to remind and/or convince myself that yes, it’s possible that labor really could just start at any minute now. Keeping the faith, you know.

Of course, although I am terribly excited and anxious to get this show on the road, I’m also still scared about how this is going to rock my life. I know that 95% of the change is bound to be wonderful, obviously, but there is the sleepless nights/sore boobs/newborn craziness to consider as well. Not to mention the uncertainty of how Nora might act up or change because of the impact on her life as well.

Tonight, I took advantage of the fact that I’m still pregnant and took Nora on a “date.” It was a super simple one—we were only gone from home for 45 minutes. But after eating dinner at home, I took her to Wegmans to pick out a special cookie for a treat. Just the two of us.

It was funny, too, because this morning Nora was whining a little bit about not wanting to go to daycare today, and I told her that I needed her to be a good girl because if she was, we’d go on a date tonight. She said, “What is it?” and I told her she’d just have to wait and see. Then, Michael ended up picking her up from daycare after work instead of me. I thought maybe she’d forget about what I’d said this morning. But I should have known—she has the memory of an elephant these days. I guess she said to Michael, “Where’s Mommy?” and he said, “Why, do you want to go somewhere?” Nora’s answer was, “Yeah, go on date now!” It made me laugh so hard. I realized then how much trouble I could potentially get myself into by setting her expectations like that (what if I had gone into labor??) but it also meant so much to me that she kept that promise with her all day and that it was the first thing she thought about/asked about when Michael picked her up. So sweet.

Enough rambling. As you can probably tell, my mind is racing 100 miles an hour these days. So much to wonder. So much to think about.

Here’s hoping that I end up in a labor & delivery room very, very soon. :)

This “bonus” pregnancy post is brought to you by: My raging impatience.

I am 38 weeks, 5 days pregnant. I know that I have absolutely no right to be impatient. 40+ weeks? OK. But right now? No. I mean, I didn’t even have Nora until 39 weeks, so what is my problem?

Well, with Nora, I remember having a sense of peace at the end. Of course I wanted her to come out, and I was uncomfortable and feeling done and all of that. But I wrote about having this feeling that the baby would come out when she should, and I was relatively OK with not really knowing when that was. My mom had work travel planned, but I had faith that the baby would arrive when she was around. I just believed that it would work out.

And guess what? It did.

This time, I’m not as confident. I suppose it is because the timing worked out so well with Nora’s birth, that I think it couldn’t possibly happen that way twice. So I’m struggling here, with keeping the faith, and maintaining my patience.

My mom is traveling for work this week, Wednesday to Friday. And then she leaves next Monday (the day before my due date) for the ENTIRE WEEK. So basically, if this baby doesn’t come on Monday, Tuesday, Saturday or Sunday, my mom is not going to be around. Which is obviously not the end of the world, but it definitely sucks.

I had a doctor’s appointment on Thursday morning last week. (STATE OF CERVIX COMING AT YOU, LA LA LA LA… I GAVE WARNING!) I was 1 cm dilated (up from 1/2 cm the two weeks prior), and she went ahead and stripped my membranes. Unfortunately, stripping membranes doesn’t do anything unless your body is already on its way on its own, and well, apparently mine wasn’t ready yet. I had cramping the entire day on Thursday so I had high hopes for the following 24-48 hours, but nope. I especially had hope since I had my membranes stripped with Nora on a Thursday morning, and then I went into labor on Friday night. But not this time.

In fact, I’m feeling a whole lot of nothing these days. No signs of impending labor. I know it can come out of nowhere at any time, but I’m just… not feeling it. With Nora, I feel like I had all of these instincts and “premonition” feelings kicking in, but this time, all of that is either broken, or this baby is not coming any time soon.

Don’t get me wrong: All I want out of this whole thing is a healthy baby. That is top priority. The timing—and how convenient it is for me—is, in the grand scheme of things, unimportant.

But I do want my mom to be able to be there. I hope that isn’t too much to ask.

“Are you having any contractions? Braxton Hicks?”

My doctor and nurse practitioner asked these questions at my last two appointments. My answer? HELL IF I KNOW. I don’t think I’ve been having any real contractions, since I do vaguely remember what those feel like from my labor with Nora. But Braxton Hicks? Maybe. But it’s so hard to tell because my entire belly is just so tight these days. Any movement from the baby causes at least a little bit of discomfort and stretching, so I’m often thinking, What was that? What’s this I’m feeling?

38 Weeks Pregnant

On Saturday night, I woke up at 3:00 a.m. out of a dead sleep to some pretty serious stomach cramps. They seemed to be coming in waves. Major discomfort, then they would ease. Discomfort again, then gone again. After a few times, I started to get suspicious. I grabbed my phone from the nightstand, and half asleep, started hitting the start and stop buttons on my contraction timer app. After timing 2-3 “episodes,” I found that they were very irregular. And then I felt like I had to go to the bathroom. After a trip to the loo, things eased up and I was able to fall back to sleep. So it was just a really upset stomach. Boooo.

Once my dad left on Monday, it really hit me: All we have left to do now is wait. At work, my plate is being cleared and things are winding down as my team prepares for me to be out. At home, we’re pretty much as ready as we’re going to be, so there’s not much to distract me here, either. Time has suddenly slowed to a bit of a crawl as we await the arrival of this baby. TORTURE.

So, the last few days, we’ve started pulling out some of the tricks. I’ve been trying to do more walking. I had a pregnancy massage at a local spa last night, and asked the masseuse to work my pressure points. I sprinkled a bunch of red pepper flakes on my dinner tonight. All of this to try to encourage baby to get a move on.

At my 37-week appointment last week, I was disappointed to learn that I hadn’t made any progress from the week before. Still only 1/2 centimeter, and only 30% effaced, which the nurse practitioner said is really not even worth calling progress. It’s annoying since I made slow but steady progress each week when I was pregnant with Nora. Given this is my second child, I would expect BETTER progress this time, but no. At least not so far. I have another appointment tomorrow and I’m super curious. And I KNOW none of it really means anything. I swear I know that. But I cannot get over the unpredictable nature of this whole experience. It is so strange to think that it could literally happen at any moment, with no advanced warning whatsoever. Or that it could be another three freaking weeks if the universe decides it hates me. The not knowing literally drives me crazy.

I’ve been trying to talk up the baby more to Nora, saying things about how it will be here very soon. But of course, she has no concept of what “very soon” means, so she really has no clue what is about to happen any day now. Michael said tonight that it’s weird to think that we could put her to bed one night and by the time she wakes up the next morning, she could have a baby brother or sister. It’s so surreal. And not knowing when my “last day” or “last night” with Nora as an only child makes me really sad in a lot of ways. I sort of wish I was in a position to KNOW it was the last, just so I could cherish it. But since I don’t, I’m just trying to cherish all of it. Every night.

My sweet girl.

We go through stages with Nora’s bedtime books and songs, but we’ve been in the same routine for a LONG time now. We’ve been reading Mercer Mayer’s The New Baby before every bedtime and naptime for what seems like forever. Nora has memorized the book. She “reads” it to us actually, which never gets old. So stinking cute. The book’s pages and cover are worn, edges have been accidentally folded over. It looks like a book that has been around for years, but she just got it at Easter. She’s obsessed with it.

Nora was born at 39 weeks. I’m trying to prepare myself to go beyond 39 weeks with this baby, but it’s hard. It’s so funny to me that there is no rhyme or reason to when a baby is born. Just because you’re early with one baby doesn’t mean you’ll be early with the next. That’s a hard pill to swallow. You want to believe that after going through this once, you have an idea of what you can expect the second time around. But that doesn’t seem to be the case when you start asking around and Googling. I guess it’s true what they say, that every pregnancy is different.

Just before we had Nora, both Michael and I got “feelings” about it. On that Friday, we both suddenly had feelings we were going to have a 9/11 baby. I felt like I was not going to be returning to work the next week. Sure enough, I went into labor at 10 p.m. that same night. I keep waiting to get that type of feeling again…

I wonder if it’ll ever come.